TO LONDON!
by greekgeekemm
Summary: Nessi runs away...Join Jacob on his quest to find her. Includes a red head who likes watching children run into walls,a pompus jackass with a scar on his forehead, and an old man who refuses to stop smiling.we mean it...he never stops! m 4 language! Spoof
1. Chapter 1

SPOOF!

The AFTER Math….

Why am I here? I thought. Why? Because of that stupid Imprint. Imprint? Well for you less brainy individuals its pretty much Love at First Sight. Yah you heard me right, there is such thing. SO With whom? Well, with my best friend's once toddler daughter. NOW! Before you punch me scream Pedophile and call the cops (Yes I've had people do that…) I CAN EXPLAIN! She's 15 now and I don't love her THAT WAY… At least not yet (O.O) well I don't think ill ever really love her THAT way. ANY WAY! My love for her is kinda like the Godfather (Or what ever the hell you call it) making sure that precious little bundle of Joy (IN this case vampire/human) Iz Ok. Sadly that also means I have to travel to dumb Fucking places (Like London England) In search of said STUPID bundle of joy, in hopes of finding said person and in the process finding out stupid things that I never even thought of. Wait I'm getting ahead of myself. You see, this all started out in Forks, Washington. I'd just come back from a "friend's" house (*cough* Leah *cough*) and was tired from a night of "pleasure and poker" and got a oh so unnecessary call from said bundle of joy aka Renesmee (Nessie) who was at the airport using granddaddy's credit card to catch a flight to London.

"JAKE! Guess What?!?" She greeted me excitedly. OH GOD!

"Nessie where the hell are you? Your Parents are calling me nonstop and I think im gonna go Awl!" I yelled into the phone. She laughed on the other end apparently she wasn't hearing the seriousness in my voice.

"IM at the airport! I'm getting on the next flight to LONDON!" She said/yelled like it was a good thing.

"WHAT THE…! You will not get on the Fucking plane!" I said pissed. WTF Nessie?

"Jakie…I-…" She Started I cut her off.

"GET YOU HYBRID ASS OUT OF THE AIRPORT AND BACK HOME YOUNG LADY!" I Screamed into the Phone. This was probably a bad thing to say at the moment but I was pissed, tired, had to pee, and I was sick of this teenage crap.

"Fuck Off Jacob" She yelled into the phone "I'm Not a baby any more!" Then she hung up. I held the dead phone in my hand until it started beeping from the lack of another living being on the other end.

"FUCK! BELLA'S Gonna Kill me!" I yelled to no one in particular. I was done for…

Chapter 2

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU YELLED AT MY BABY!!!!!" screamed a VERY pissed off Bella Swann/Cullen.

"I was tired…and I REALLY had to pee." I said sheepishly, "Give me a break!"

Edward chuckled to himself. "Now your gonna get it," he stage whispered. Bella turned 5 different shades of purple in 5 seconds.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, EDWARD!!!!" Bella and I screamed in unison. Then we looked at each other.

"Geez…one vampire/human hybrid runs off to Europe and everyone turns into a total Victoria/James mix." Murmured Edward. Emmet chuckled in the background and Jasper looked puzzled. Bella gave me a death glare.

"So you're saying that because you were TIRED my daughter is now gallivanting across Europe?!!" she demanded. I shrunk back slightly.

"Well, when you say it like that…" I broke off.

"You go get my daughter back or you will be officially ridden of your male genitalia." All the guys in the room gave an involuntary shudder.

"Hey, I kinda need that…" I said jokingly. Edward narrowed his eyes.

"For your sake you better not need it for my daughter!" He hissed at me. I should of stopped there but I couldn't pass up the chance to piss of the Crazy vampire dad.

"Hey, Buddy I cant help it she's 15 and with a sexy women's body." I said casually putting my arms behind my head coolly. He snarled and before I knew it I was up against a wall bright white teeth snapping at my throat.

"JESUS CHRIST MAN!" I yelled at him.

"Not so tough when deaths staring you in the face. Huh tough Guy?" He Screeched at me. DAMN HE WAS MESSED UP!

"OHMIGOD! Edward Not On the carpet!" I heard Esme. JESUS LADY! Your house means more to you then the life of a human being! These Vampires were nuts. Bella put her hand on Edwards shoulder. He relaxed and stood up. I got off the floor and with one last hiss he stomped away like a child. I guess there was a reason Bella was my friend.

"Thanks. You should put him on a leash you know… he could really hurt someone… or something…" I said smiling.

"You deserved it you Ass. Next time you won't be so lucky. Now go get on a plane before I let a can of Jasper On your wolfy ass." She said slyly. Jaspers head Perked up (Shit) she didn't have to tell me twice, I was outa of that nut house in a heart beat.

Chapter 3

The airport was a mess. People where EVERYWHERE!!!!!! By the time I made it to the front desk, I'd been in the building for a half an hour and Nessie's plane had been in the air for three hours. In 5 hours she'd have free reign all across London.

"Excuse me," I asked the lady at the desk. "When's the next flight to London?"

"The next one leaves in an hour." She said, clearly bored with the conversation.

"One ticket please." I said.

"First class or…" she eyed the dirty rags that I had on. (I had "run" to the airport.) "coach." She said the word repulsively. I smiled to myself. Since I was using the blood sucker's money…

"First class, please." I said, slapping the platinum debit card down on the shiny counter. She stared at it like it was a personal insult to her. She wordlessly picked it up and rang up my ticket.

"Any baggage?" she asked quietly with a little more respect.

"Nope." I replied She practically threw the card and my ticket at my face.

"Have a nice flight…sir." She spat the last word out with her voice dripping with venom. I smiled.

"I certainty will!" I said rubbing it in her over make-up-a-fied face. She Smiled crookedly the looked behind me

"NEXT!" She yelled. I moved out of line and walked prestige-ly toward the security checkpoint. When I got there a FAT guy behind the computer looked at me and a guy behind the metal detector looked up from his playboy. I walked through. No beep.

"Baggage…?" The guy in front of the computer inquired.

"Nope." I said walking away. Looking back once to checkout How Friggin FAT the guy was "Jesus" I whispered. Werewolf or not if that guy sat on me I would BE DEAD! I gagged as he took a bite from a hidden jelly Doughnut (trying not to imagine where it had just resided). Then I peeked at the magazine cover (Yah I'm a perv. But A guy has NEEDS! And Mine hadn't been fulfilled today… Maybe once I find Nessie we can spend a little alone time… Maybe I really did need that Male genitalia). It had Some Busty Blonde chick… Same As Always! I'd moved on to the starbucks (Located so Conveniently near the security checkpoint! I wondered if that's where the fat guy got most of his jelly doughnuts.). Got myself a coffee. And moved on to the terminal. There was a lot of open space (Like only 5 people were sitting there for some reason. London struck me as a place that people visited often.) I took my spot near some old lady. Who STUNK of Tuna Fish…. I didn't know Crazy Cat ladies still excised they also struck me as a species of human/elderly that had long ago gone extinct. PROVES WHAT I KNOW!

Chapter 4

I must of dozed of. In no time at all it was time to board the plane.. Maybe the horrific smell beside me was what KO'd me. But what ever the case! It was time to board the plane. I walked the hallway to the plane entrance. It surprised me that there weren't any windows… But any way, once we boarded I was lead to first class. It was very silent in the room only 2 other individuals were there. They were focused on what looked like laptops and were dressed like millionaires. GREAT…. I thought sarcastically. I took a seat on one of the father back chairs. I looked around me. There was a table in front of me and another chair facing opposite of mine.

After waiting for all the coach passengers to climb aboard the plane, The captain's surprisingly sexy female voice came over the intercom.

"Welcome aboard. This is your captain speaking. We will be taking flight in 10 min. and we will be landing around 7:00 am London time. So just sit back relax and enjoy the flight.

The flight was heavenly. I'd never been on a plane before and the all female staff pampered me hand and foot the entire trip. I was sorely tempted to ask one particularly hot blonde one to join the mile high club with me, but I knew the Renesmee would find out one way or another, and to put it simply, I needed my male genitalia. After consuming 4 or 5 too many whiskies, I passed out. When I woke up I saw a beautiful angelic face.

"Renesmee…" I murmured sleepily.

"No," the angel said. "Just Stacey. We will be landing shortly sir." The angel (or should I say Stacey) walked away to wake up the other passengers. I took out my phone and saw that Bella had called 3 times and Renesmee called once. I deleted Bella's messages without listening to them. I knew that she would just be yelling at me more. I clicked to Nessie's.

"Hey Jake." She started. "I know that my parents probably sent you to come and get me." She Chuckled, Edward And Bella were pretty predictable. "So, I'll make things a little easy on ya. I'm at King's Cross train station. You probably have no idea what im talking about right? You'll figure it out. What you do is go straight through platforms 9 and 10.(I was Confused by the go through part.) Don't worry, I'm not crazy. Well not medically crazy… Any way, after that, you need to turn into the "big bad wolf" (I smirked at her childhood nickname for my wolf state) and run north for about 50 miles.(I Sat Up at the 50 miles statement. Where the HELL WAS SHE?) You'll come to a castle and you need to go inside it and start asking around for an Albus Dumbledore (What kind of a name was "Albus Dumbledore") than you can ask him where to find me. Don't bother trying to call my phone; it won't work in the castle's grounds. Gotta go. Love ya. Bye." The message ended.

I officially started to worry. What if she was doing some kind of English drug that made her hallucinate? Or maybe was it alcohol? Could something like that affect her? That would explain the "telling-me-exactly-where-she's-at-thing" What if some guy, gave them to her? What if she was with some guy? Mental Pictures of Nessie's back against a wall. While some guy buried his face in the crook of her neck (she of course was smiling in pleasure) flew into my mental picture. But these unwelcome thoughts were banished by a new horror. What would Bella say if he brought back her daughter hooked on drugs and already de-virgin-a-tized? I shuddered at the thought.

"Oh shit." I said one of the flight attendants looked at me.

"sir I ask that you mind you language on the flight" she said. I could here the wheels stop though and I knew the flight was over.

"Sure…" I started "Ill remember that on the trip back" I said getting out of my seat as the door opened for the few passengers to leave. I turned to see her stare at me confused. When she saw I was looking at her she turned up her nose and walked away. Snobby flight attendants. Maybe it was good I didn't ask Stacey to join me in the mile-high club. She would of followed me like a love-sick puppy. I exited with the small group of passengers. When I got to the terminal I was surprised by all the people leaving London. I pushed my way through the mob and found my way to the airport exit with minor injuries. I walked out into the bright morning sun. which had not appeared yet. I looked around me. It was dark. WTF? I looked to the side there was a lady walking my way.

"WHY THE HELL IS IT DARK?" I Asked her. Se looked up surprised, confusion spread over her face. Then she cracked up

"we got uh funny one here! Just mind your self and don't get into trouble." She told me in a rough British accent. "Oh and another thing, Why do people keep askin me that?" She smiled I shrugged and she shrugged with me. She looked down the street behind me.

"So where ya headin?" I asked her.

"Oh King's Cross train station…" she shuffled her feet. I slapped my forehead.

"NO WAY IM GOING THERE TO!" I said excited.

"REALLY?" She asked. "I don't think I've ever seen you there before…" She added. Must be a social place I thought. (Oh God)

"Oh well yah… well…you see…Its my first time there… Maybe we could walk together or something?" I asked sheepishly she smiled.

"SURE why not." She said grabing my arm. Come on we better hurry or we might miss our train. I was confused now.

"Oh wouldn't want to do that." I said sheepishly. Then chuckeled. Trying to hide my confusion. She looked back at me.

"You scared?" She said giggeling

"Huh?" I asked

"Never mind." She said giggeling.

Chapter 5

Ginny talked most of the way to the station. She was a talkative little red head, Giddy to like Alice but she didn't stink like Alice. I just walked quietly most of the time all I had to do was nod or give a sound in agreement. Obviously she was use to people not really listening. When we got to the station there was a swarm of kids or teens just a lot of people in front of platform 9 and 10. Out of them all one person stuck out to me the most. There was a black haired boy with some dorkish round glasses. He was staring at us intently. I noticed he had some weird makeup on his forehead it looked like a lightning bolt. Strange…. Ginny ran up and kissed the boy. I guessed he was her boyfriend from the dirty looks he was giving me.

"Oh I forgot to ask you!" She started "Are you some foreign exchange student?" she asked intently

"HUH?" I gave her a confused look. "THIS IS A SCHOOL?" Ginny frowned suddenly fearful. Her boy frowned.

"UM… Aren't you trying to get to Hogwarts?" she asked (WTF KIND OF NAME WAS HOGWARTS?!?)

"Um… That's that castle right?" I asked hoping I was right. Ginny giggled.

"OH COURSE IT IS SILLY!" She said excitedly. "Not just any castle a…!"

"Yah… Yah… a special one." I said "So you know what im looking for?"

"Yep…" she started. Her boy coughed, she turned "OH this is my boyfriend Harry."

"Nice to meet you uh… Harry…?" I prompted.

"Potter… Harry Potter. Thee Harry Potter." He said it like it was important or something.

"Um… its nice to meet you… Harry Potter?" I said confused. Ginny looked at me confused to.

"You don't know who he is do you?" She asked Harry frowned.

"Erm… NOT A CLUE!" I told them. They both exchanged looks. Uh oh.

"Wait… the Harry Potter? OH! WOW IS A HONNOR!" I said trying to fake the surprised-ness. WHO THE HELL WAS THIS JERK? "Yah um.. YOUR AWSOME DUDE!" I finished

"Thanks." He said with a little more distain then necessary. Was everyone in this crew like that? Suddenly 6 more red heads and a pretty, brown haired girl came to join us.

"Guys," said Ginny excitedly, "this is Jacob. He's an exchange student from America. Jacob this is my family and my friend Hermione." I figured that Hermione was the brown haired girl who had barley taken her eyes off of one of the red haired boys. "This is my eldest brother, Bill," the tallest one with a scar on his face and long hair pulled back in a pony tail, and an earring with a fang dangling from it. I liked his getup "my other brother Charlie," One with multiple burns all over his body. "My other brother, Percy is at work, this is my brother George," a young man who seemed thoroughly depressed. Ginny whispered in my ear that George used to have a twin but he died in the war.

"The war in Iraq?" I asked awkwardly. Everyone looked at me for a brief moment and than they broke out laughing. I tried to play along with this inside joke. I don't think it worked but soon Ginny went on introducing her family.

"This is my youngest brother Ron." She indicated to the boy that Hermione couldn't stop looking at. He had a long crooked nose and a mop of red hair. What she saw in this twerp, I had a feeling I would never know.

"And these are my parents." Said Ginny finally. I waved politely at the two red heads They smiled back sweetly. They both seemed to be older so hopefully Ginny was the last of their kids. I'd hate to see the next edition to their already over grown family.

We heard a racket behind us.

"Give me back my tickets!" I heard a plump middle aged woman say. A tall shabby man was grabbing something I could only assume where tickets out of her hands.

"Your tickets!" He roared. Immediately they began to fight. Two police went over and broke them apart. Mr. Weasley smiled.

"Ah the Pol Ece to the rescue." The entire Weasley clan broke into a fit of laugher. I just stood there confused. And I thought the Cullens were nuts! These guys were insane. Medically insane. I was suddenly worried about Nessie. What the hell had she gotten us into? They lead me through the crowd to a brick column they were standing around. I stared at it. (WAS THIS LIKE THERE PLACE OF WORSHIP OR SOMETHIN?) I heard one of the parent red heads behind me.

"Ron how bout you go first and show are new friend how this is done?" said. I suddenly was very nervous. (If they made me run into that column I was gonna open a can of Wolf woop ass on them.). Ron smiled weakly at me and faced the column. I felt weary was he seriously gonna run straight at that wall? Where was an ambulance? The paramedics? Ron started in a fast sprint toward the column. It was like a car reck I didn't want to watch this catastrophe but I couldn't LOOK AWAY! I was about to close my eyes expecting a splat or at least a hard crack or something along those lines when the kid went right throught the Damn column! (RIGHT THREW THE DARN THING) I Expected something like him coming out the other side of it. Nothing. Then One by One the kids ran straight for the column and then right into it not appearing on the other side. I was getting a little freaked. Where the Fuck were they going!?!?!? Then I heard the sickly sweet voice behind me.

"Your turn dear!" she said happily. That Women was MESSED UP MAN! I gulped.

"Um… Do I seriously have to do this? Isn't there like a alternate entrance or something? Please?" I stuttered. She laughed. PYSCHO! This must be funny or seomthing to her. What a sick women.

"Oh don't worry you wont feel a thing deary! You wont get hurt I promise hunny!" She said sweetly again. I was seriously planning on just running into that column to knock myself out so I wouldn't have to hear another "DEARY!" this women was getting on my last werewolfy nerve cell! I walked slowly up to the wall oh god. Before I could make up my mind I felt a push. I closed my eyes expecting a hard wall. NOTHING! I opened them and I found myself in a train station. But this one was different... It was like a midevil fair. And there was only one train. It looked like something from those old movies and it was BRIGHT red. Only one thing was printed on the side in big fancy letters "HOGWARTS EXPRESS". OH GOD. WHAT THE HELL HAD I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO.

"Todo we are SOOOO not in Fucking Kansas any more." I said expecting a little black dog to appear and tell me where the FUCK I was! I looked down to make sure I wasn't wearing a dress now. Or Ruby slippers. I felt a hand grab me and pull me on to the train. It was all a blur and I found myself moments later in a compartment. Ginny was facing out the window waving to her parents.

"Aren't you excited!" She said happily!

"You have no fucking idea." I said scarred out of my human mind. (All I could think about was Nessie better be at that FUCKING Castle or Her ASS was GRASS!). Ginny frowned slightly at my language, but we felt the train start with a jolt. We were off and I was SCREWED!

Chapter 6

Ginny was lecturing me on my language when Harry walked by. And of course I had to witness there sickening make-out session. What was it with hot English girls and dorky British guys? WTF Europe? I was a little happy though, she stopped lecturing me. But I think I preferred it over there drooling. After a very long annoying ride. No offence to Ginny but she talked a little TOO much for my taste. But after a lot of crazy SHIT and some strange Ass ugly individuals we got to this MAGICAL CASTLE! There was this blonde pale blue eyed kid on the adventure to the castle who annoyed he SHIT out of me. He was WAY, WAY to full of himself… Almost as bad as Emmett and his Sex life. Or well just Edward about himself. I followed the Weasley clan to some Huge room. And when I say huge I mean so fucking big they could store a safari. There were five long tables. I got a look at the people at all of the tables. Apparently were color assorted to each table. They herded me over to a table in the middle. Everyone there wore red and gold. With some lion pins. (WHY NOT WOLFS SERIOUSLY?) they all kinda strike me as dorks but ohhhh wellll. I mostly slept through dinner eating every so often then a loud voice woke me up.

"ANOTHER YEAR IS ABOUT TO BEGIN STUDENTS! WELCOME BACK!" the voice said ending the feast. He was a tall older man with a WAY to long beard. He had a weird nose that held up his little glasses. His eye's seemed to sparkle in a strange way. This guy even though he wore some weird dress. Struck me as kool. I turned to Harry.

"Who the HECK is he?" I asked him (with a quick glance at Ginny for language purposes) he scoffed at me.

"Albus Dumbledore." He sounded VERY cocky and I suddenly had the urge to punch him in his smug face.

"Oh my god!!!" I slammed my hands down on the wooden table and stood up. (but unlike all the tables I'd done this to before, it didn't break. Just like MAGIC. "I need to talk to him!" I said urgently. Harry scoffed again. But Ginny spoke up.

"Harry, you should take him to Dumbledore's office. You know A LOT about it." She said almost suggestively. Harry grunted and stood up. He motioned for me to follow him.

During our walk through the corridors strange thoughts popped into my head like, if Harry somehow managed to kill me now, would Ginny break up with him? What would happen to Nessie? Suddenly that all too familiar picture of her and some guy making out, and maybe more sprang into my head. I shuddered and realized that Harry had stopped in front of a large stone gargoyle.

"Licorice wands," said Harry. WTF?!!! I thought. What kind of office was this? The gargoyle stepped (yes, STEPPED) aside to reveal a winding stair case. Harry looked at me.

"Come on." He said impatiently.

"What the FUCK just happened!" I shouted. Harry shook his head and pushed me up the stairs. On second thought maybe I didn't want to see this guy anymore. Bella I could deal with, this guy, no. But before I could protest, Harry pushed me through and old oak door at the top of the stairs. The place was FUCKING WEIRD!!!!!!!! There was a desk and it had weird pieces of paper and feathers on it. (parchment and quills…I found out later.) There were all these weird contraptions EVERYWHERE!!!! Either this guy had a major dominatrix fetish or was a serial killer.

After 5 minutes of contemplating running from the room or taking some of the contraptions home to try on Leah, Dumbledore came through the office.

He smiled

"Mr. Black, I've been expecting you." Before I could stop myself…

"WHAT THE FUCK?!!!! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME???!!!!" I felt like the term "creeper" belonged there too, but maybe it was too much. The guy just kept smiling.

"You're "friend" Renesmee or Nessie was it?" I felt like punching him when he said Nessie's nickname. "She is here and she is safe, we were expecting her as well."

"I repeat…WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!" was all I could manage to say. Still, he was smiling…not that that's creepy or anything….well…not in this world anyway…

"She will be staying in the Syltherin dorms for the night." He said casually

"What the fuck is "Syltherin"?" I asked Freaked out beyond my mind. I was surprised I wasn't on the floor in a fetal position.

"Its one of the schools houses." Dumbledore he said like I should understand. I looked at Harry for help. He sighed.

"The ones in green and silver." Harry said with OF COURSE a smile! I thought for a moment suddenly I remembered that one of the tables had been Green and Silver color coordinated, then I remember all the ugly disgusting people at that table

"HOLY SHIT! SHE'S WITH A GROUP OF CREEPERS!" I screeched at Dumbledore who of course was still smiling. In fact he laughed!

"Oh Mr. Black . I understand the Syltherin house may look a bit dark for your standards." He started. Obviously he had no idea of some of the shit I had been through, thank god for that. "But I assure you none of the individuals on said house are as you say "Creepers"."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THERE NOT CREEPERS!" I Screamed at him

"In his defense" Harry piped in "They do reside in the dungeons…" he finished this of course started a new wave of…

"WHAT THE FUCK! YOU PUT HER IN A DUGEON WITH CREEPERS!!!!!" I screeched

"AND Chains!" Harry pushed happily. I felt my stomach turn

"Dumbledore… Apparently you know… SHIT!" I stood up of course the crazy old bat was staring at me still… wait for it… smiling...GROSS! apparently he was thinking about my poor Nessie in that disgusting dungeon wit those creepers AND there CHAINS!!!

"Well you'll be staying with the Gryffindors for the remainder of your stay. You will be able to see your "Nessie" tomorrow at breakfast, but for now we all need to get some sleep. Good night." If I hadn't been sooooo pissed I probably would have realized that I'd been blown off by an ancient man with a dominatrix fetish and probably had more Botox in his body than all he celebrities in the Hills combined….that's A LOT….. Harry led me out and before I knew it I was laying on a couch in the Gryffindor common room that was now my makeshift bed. It was sooooo nice. Better than my real bed at home, in fact. My last thought for the most Fucked up day of my life was "I hope Nessie is warm and comfortable." Than, I drifted into a restful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Chapter 10: _The first day in hell is always the worst they say._

I woke up with a start.

"Come on Jacob. Time for breakfast" I heard Ginny say as she throttled me awake oh god. Not again another day of this shit? I moaned. I felt someone punch me. I opened my eyes to see Harry to.

"GET UP! We're Starving!" He said simply. My stomach grumbled and I got up. These kids wee gonna kill me.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked rubbing my eyes.

"Food" Ron said plainly. Well that was well fucking explanatory! Food? That could mean some nice bacon… or some disgusting tofu concoction. Oh this was going to be a FABULOUS day! I thought sarcastically. Harry threw me a pile of clothes. I looked at them.

"You can't go down there looking like that" he said. I was offended he just made fun of the Jacob look! This kid was close to getting his brains punched out. I grabbed the pile and shuffled my way into what they pointed out were the bathrooms (SO MANY BATHROOMS! I got "lost" in the women's at first...). After a little trouble and some puling I got the clothes to go on. They were quite snug. The pants hugging my thighs and calves like tight jeans. The shirt was a little small too I stretched it enough before hand to get it to fit my body but my biceps still didn't fit in it. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked Sexy I just had to make sure I didn't get to "excited" in these pants. That could be a catastrophe. I walked out into the common room. I wasn't expecting the reaction I got. Most of the girls in the room (NO Including Ginny) were gawking at me; I could tell the guys were envious of how good I looked (And BOTH Of my packages HEHE!). Sadly I was in no mood to take advantage of this. I had a person to meet and some food to devour!

"Finally! Now let's go!" said Ron. I was too hungry to take offence to his statement. We hurried down the steps and hallways (I lost track of how many!) Till we got to what I guessed was the dining hall. By the time we got there. I was so hungry I could eat a living cow and not give a damn! Again I was herded over to a table where everyone wore almost exactly what I wore… But I looked the best!

"Oh My God." I said when we sat down.

"What?" Ginny asked perplexed. She looked at the food which I was presently staring at like a mad man.

"ITS REAL FOOD!" I said giddy. "THERE'S SO MUCH! CAN I EAT IT?" I asked surprised there had to be a price she laughed.

"Of Course you can Jacob…." She started, but before she could say anything else I had my face into the food. FREE GOOD FOOD! IT WAS A MIRACLE FROM GOD HIMSELF! I had chowed down on most of the food near me once everyone had started eating. Ron had moved down a few seats just to get some food. Then Dumbledore stood up. I looked over I hadn't noticed the row of teachers watching us. I quit eating, too embarrassed to continue. Ginny saw my embarrassment. She laughed.

"It's ok um… Jake…" she started; I looked up at the sound of my nickname. "I'm pretty sure they don't mind your… well… eating habits. No offence but they have more important things to look or discuss." She said reassuringly. I smiled she was so nice.

"Good point Ginny." I said scarfing down again.

"OH GOD! Now look what you've done!" Hermione said upset; I looked up smiled at her and continued.

"YUCK!" She said at me. I laughed and so did Harry and Ginny. I guess they weren't too bad… they were like little puppies they kinda rub off on ya… Now I just have to teach them how to play tricks and stuff I thought happily. (THE WEREWOLF TEACHES THE CRAZY KIDS TRICKS. (HEHE!) . Once I'd finished My HUGE Breakfast we started walking around the courtyard. They kept pointing crap out and telling me stories (Which most I forgot cuz I had NO IDEA what they where rambling about) It was like everything that had happened in their life had happened at the place. There life story had taken place here… That kinda scarred me I wondered if forks was like that to me (*Gulp*). Then I saw the most horrific thing I'd ever seen in my entire life.

Chapter 11: _Do you know your enemy?_

SHE was standing there all calm. Pretty as a button her 15 year old hybrid self. As beautiful as the day I saw her… EXCEPT FOR THE LEECH EATING HER FACE! SOME GUY and her were smooching. Not just smooching like FRNCHING EACHOTHER! I felt my heart shrivel up and die inside my chest. I couldn't see her face because his big blonde head was blocking hers. I reacted on instinct. I walked over… more stomped/ran over to them a fire BRUNNING inside me. And I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"WHAT THE FUCK RENNESMEE!" I yelled unnecessarily. They stopped and looked at me I stared at her my eyes blazing into her skin she stared blankly back for a moment then she came to.

"Ohh…" She said plainly. OHH? THAT'S FUCKING IT!!?? I glared at her expecting more and I received it "HI Jake." She said normally. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, AND FUCK!

"WHO THE HELL IS HE!" I yelled looking over at the BASTERED one look and I knew who it was. IT WAS THE SNOBBY BLONDE COCKY KID FROM THE RIDE HERE. That one look was all I needed. I lifted my fist for a punch

"WAIT WHOAH! JAKE STOP!" Nessie said jumping in-between us, the kid coward behind her WHAT AN ASS HOLE! "This is Draco he's my… Boy friend…" She said sweetly, HOLY SHIT I WAS GONNA RIP THAT KIDS HEAD OFF!

"WHAT THE FUCK RENNESMEE! YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH HIM?" I yelled at her she instantly went on me.

"I CHEATED ON YOU? WHEN WAS THERE A US?" She Screamed at me. Venom filling her words I felt my face grow hot I was PISSED!

"LIKE SINCE THE FUCKING DAY YOU WERE BORN! JESUS CHRIST WOMEN DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT THE HELL OUT! I-M-P-R-I-N-T! IMPRINT!" I screeched at her. Her face turned a weird shade of red.

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT ASS HOLE! I DON'T CARE! IMPRINT OR NOT YOU'VE CHEATED ON MY ASS SINCE THE DAY I WAS FUCKING BORN WITH THAT WHORE LEAH! SO GO CRAWL BACK TO HER AND STAY WITH THAT HO BECUASE I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE YOU HEAR! NO MORE! I DON'T WANT YOUR SHIT AND YOUR WEREWOLF ASS NEAR ME ANYMORE!" She yelled at me in full volume so loud I bet her parents heard it. We glared at each other for a moment.

"No more." She said and walked away, Draco grabbing her hand and comforting her. Damnit! I lost her again.

Chapter 12: _Yus, I'm a werewolf… We have feelings to you know!_

I walked slowly back over to my "friends". They were all staring at me like I'd just gone nuts, which I might have. Was I seriously going to have to win back another chick?!!! Stupid Nessie…she's just like her mother!!!!

"Why didn't you tell us that you were a bloody werewolf?!!" Harry asked, outraged.

"Who the fuck was that snogging" (wtf is snogging and how was Nessie doing it?!!!)"Malfoy." Said Ron stupidly.

"Boys! Language!!" Ginny scolded.

"I don't know why she was snogging him! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ANY WAY?!?! Who the Fuck is Malfoy? And why the hell does it matter that I'm a damn werewolf!!!!!" I said, pissed as hell.

"Wolf! Language!" Ginny said to me. She was catching on.

"Stay away from me during a full moon," said Ron, faking being scared. He clearly meant it as a joke, but I was too pissed to appreciate it. I needed to go get Nessie. I decided "running" would be my best choice.

"Step back ladies and gentleman…and Harry," ("What the Fuck?!!" I heard from Harry) I jumped feeling the change ripple across my body. To put it simply…even thought I WARNED them…many individual girls….and Harry…mostly Ron, screamed bloody murder. Following Nessie's scent, I took off; she wasn't getting away this time. At least not before I could scare the shit out of Malfoy with the "big bad wolf." Let's see how that ass hole liked me now?!? I went full out sprint in Wolf Mode at any moment I could lose her scent at this sped but I didn't care. It wasn't I was pissed I just felt broken, I HATED MY BIG MOUTH! If it weren't for me this shit would of never happened. Even though I was running full throttle it seemed like ages before I reached what I guess was he dungeon. They were outside talking, Draco had his arm wrapped around her waist and she was leaning into him lovingly that wasn't the thing that made me feel like puking though it was what Draco was saying.

"My life wasn't complete until I met her. It was like I found the rest of me. She's so nice and beautiful." he said turning to her they kissed and some girls in the crowed AWW'd and OHHH'd at the little couples affection. GAG! This kid was so sappy! He knew nothing about my poor Nessie. I didn't wait for anything else I just Ran (Knocking down a few unsuspecting kids) into and through the little crowed of Creepers. When I got to Nessie There was one thing. A couple girls around us screamed and some guys to. Draco jumped like 10ft in the air and I'm pretty sure he almost pissed his pants. Nessie was the only one who didn't budge at my arrival. I whimpered and nudged my head softly on her leg.

"Jacob. You don't seriously think that going "Big bad wolf" and playing cute is gonna win me back do you? And I thought I told you to stay away from me." She said icy. I just whimpered and licked her shoe. I heard Draco Gasp.

"THAT IS… Y-YOU'RE EX!!!!!!!!" He almost screamed. Nessie looked up confused and smiled.

"Yah it's just Jacob. Don't worry hunny he won't hurt you. He's just trying to make me feel bad for his Wolfy ass." She said plainly To Draco who almost laughed.

"H-He's A-A W-Werewolf!" Draco stammered out. "And YOU DATED HIM!" He Looked at Nessie horrified. I snarled at him what was wrong with werewolves? Were Part human to! It's not like we kill everything in sight?!?

"Uh… Yah. I'm kinda half vampire Draco…" She said confusingly." I told you this before…"

"Hunny… If it was during one of or make-out sessions I had NO IDEA!" Draco rebutted. If it weren't for the fact I was already on Nessie shit list I would have probably killed Draco then and there, but seeing how I valued my own life I just snarled at him. The little weasel jumped like 5 feet in the air too! (LOL!). Nessie just shook her head and looked down.

"Go away Jacob I don't want you anymore. I've found someone I'm really into and I want you to respect that." Nessie said to me shooing me off. I felt more broken like my heart had just shattered more. I Gave her one look, the saddest I could mingle up using all my broken hearted emotions and the betrayal, But she just blew it off and pointed. Telling me to go. I did a little sigh and walked slowly away. I felt all their eyes on my back.

Chapter 13: _You suppose to be the smart side of this equation!!!_

After I'd gotten some new clothes to put on… I met back up with Ron, Hermione, and Harry. They looked at me warily.

"You not a werewolf, are you?" asked Hermione, but the way she said it made it sound more like a fact than a question. She really was smart…

"Well, I guess I'm more a shape shifter then a werewolf since I can change at will." I told them. "But that's not the problem. See guys… I could really use your guys help. Nessie, my….imprint partner, as you more than likely saw, has fallen for that stupid ferret Malfoy. But her mom will KILL me, quite literally, if I don't get her home soon. Will you guys help?" I paused realizing the error in my question. "Or at least try, to help me win her back?" I finished. They looked at each other. Then Hermione turned to me.

"We have a few questions first," said Hermione. "How could Nessie's mom kill you if you a werewolf?"

"Because her mom is a aldsfij." I muffled the last word out so they couldn't hear it.

"A what?" asked Harry, I sighed?

"It's nothing I promise." I told them.

"Look if we're going to help you. You need to tell us EVERYTHING. Are abilities aren't going to be used to help just anyone or anything…" Harry said omnipotent; if this guy didn't stop acting like the savior of the world I was going to kill him.

"A vampire." I stated. They looked shocked and then Ron spoke up.

"Ginny is never bringing friends here again." He said than a confused look crossed his freckled features. "What's an imprint?"

"An imprint is kind of like a soul mate, I guess. I've loved Nessie since the day she was born. That was 7 years ago." I got all dreamy eyed as I remembered the first time I saw Nessie. But after a VERY loud WHAT THE FUCK?!!! From Harry, I stopped in time to see Hermione raise her hand which in it she was clutching an aerosol container, which from experience I recognized as pepper spray…

"WOAH, WOAH! Guys! Look you see Renesmee isn't Normal! She's very special; you see she ages fast. She ages like…" I started calculating. "Like 2 times as fast as a normal human." They "OH Thank God!" In response. Then I continued. "So will you help me or not?"

"Sure…" Harry and Ron muttered in unison. I smiled.

"OF COURSE WE WILL! WE JUST LOVE ADVENURES!" Hermione blasted at me excited. NO THIS GIRL was MORE Messed up Then BELLA! I Smiled at her weakly happy for her stick-to-it'd-ness.

"Ok So….. What's the plan!?" I asked happily. They looked at me for a moment, then exchanged glances, and then finally shrugged in unison. OH God

"I thought you were geniuses or something?!?" I asked baffled.

"NO we're just wizards." Harry Said plainly.

"JUST WIZARDS?" Ron Gasped. "Harry! You Just Killed Like One OF the Most Powerful Evil Wizards In THE WORLD! And you say you're JUST A WIZARD? I there anything cooler then that! Seriously Harry?!" Ron Blasted. Oh hell what had I gotten myself into? A bunch of DD dorks who think there fucking powerful? HELL!

"You don't seriously think that your wizards right?" I asked a little shaky trying to pull off a fake chuckle. Who were these people????!??" And of course, they pulled out little wands and pointed them at me. I had a strange feeling this WAS NOT going to end well. I closed my eyes.

Chapter 14: _Why am I right all the time? Now I know how God feels..._

"Wingardium Leviosa!" they all said. I felt myself be lifted into the air. My body repulsed with fear at the feeling. I kicked my legs trying to find the ground that had been below them.

"WHAT THE HELL! PUT ME DOWN!" I screeched at the top of my lungs. I was over taken with fear! WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH THIS PLACE! I closed my eyes and clamped my hands together praying to god that I wasn't killed in this mess. Then I felt my feet touch the ground again. I opened my eyes and looked around me. They had set me down. I Smiled, Over taken with joy; I fell to the ground kissing it wildly

"I'll NEVER LEAVE YOU AGAIN GROUND!" I yelled joyously. I heard them snicker at me. I looked up. "WHAT?" I asked. They continued laughing at me. I looked down I hadn't wet myself what was so funny?

"YOU SCREAM LIKE A GIRL!" Ron yelled cracking up hysterically. Not kool guys. I was really freaked out.

"I wasn't expecting it! And I did not you dweeb." I chuckled my own at the "dweeb" part it was so true. I had never thought of it before. Ron looked down ashamed; He did strike me as a loser. Hermione walked over and patted him on the shoulder.

"It's ok Ron, Were all a little dweeb-ish." Hermione said I was presently still laughing only harder, I had a feeling something was wrong with me.

"Well Just not as much as you…" Harry said arms folded across his chest acting like he didn't say anything. I continued laughing. This was too funny for me. I think I was experiencing a nervous breakdown. I cracked up more at the thought.

"Come on you bully!" Hermione said slapping my shoulder, she wasn't too happy with me. We need to make up a plan now. She scoffed.

"WOAH WOAH! Slow down there! Before we do ANYTHING! You're telling me how you did that!" I told them. They all exchanged looks.

"Um… we just used magic…" Harry said a little confused at my question.

"Magic? Like the glitter and poof crap magic?' I asked them. They looked even more confused

"No the MAGIC, magic. The spells and wands and sorcery and potions… and…" Hermione started explaining.

"WOW! Potions?" I asked a plan forming in my head.

"Yah potions… you know what you drink" Ron said he looked at me like I was an idiot. Obviously these guys had never experienced the REAL World where love potions were part of a fairy tale.

"Like love potions? That kind of shit? I asked just to make sure.

"Yah…" they all said confused. I smiled ohhhh this was diabolical….

"I got a plan…" I said smiling slyly. They looked at me interested. Bella was so gonna kill me after this...

Chapter 15: _Why are things always SO difficult?_

"So…" I prompted my little gang.

"Wait… so you want US to make a love potion, for you to give to Nessie, and make her fall in love with you?" Harry asked

"Fall in love with me again yus." I said with a sly smile stretching across my face. Ron burst out laughing I glared at him. If he was so smart and my plan was SO stupid why didn't he have a plan? HUH? He looked up to see me and stopped dead. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!

"Sorry but you don't understand. Hermione is the smart one here and last time she tried making us some freaky deaky potion. Well… It back fired…" He said hesitantly, I could tell he was mostly hesitant about the after math of that escapade. I'd ask about it later, unlike most of the weird adventures they had around here this one sounded interesting… Maybe someone died to! But back to the problem at hand

"Um… haven't you, I don't know, made these BEFORE? How hard can a love potion be?" I asked them. I didn't see how Hermione could mess this little job up. I bet I could do it if they gave me directions.

"Well you see… we've MADE love potions before. But they were meant to work on US. And since your "girl friend"…" (They laughed at that note… JERKS!) "Is well, as you said, was a "vampire/human whatever the hell hybrid". I don't think OUR love potions will have any effect on her." Harry said finishing. I looked at him. He was good….

"Ok I have a few things to say to that." I started. "1. She Isn't my GIRL FRIEND she's my imprinting partner, so like my soul mate that kind of shit." I paused to let them absorb this, and then continued. "2. Her dad was a vampire her mom was a human… they loved each other VERY MUCH, You get the picture. So in the end she is pretty much a genetic abomination." Then continued this time whispering, "but don't tell he that cuz she just thinks she's special." I told them, and then Hermione interrupted.

"That's nice calling her an abomination! Especially behind her back! No wonder she dumped you for a jerk like Draco! At least he's not a Nymph like you!" Hermione said going into Bitch mode on me.

"Jesus Hermione, can I continue without your crazy ass interrupting me!? God you are almost as bad as Bella." I yelled at her. She stared at me confused.

"Who is this "Bella" that you speak of?" She asked. I almost laughed at how she said it. These people were wacky…

"Um… long story short she's Nessie's mom and I had a thing for her before she got with the bloodsucker… but that ship sailed when she became one of the "Adams family". Now she's a vampire that seems to PMS like a bitch, or maybe it's the other way around. But any way… she's REALLY MEAN to my werewolf ass." I Summed up. Now they all looked at me confused. Oh god here it comes…

"Who's the Adams family? You never mentioned them before." Hermione asked.

"Who's the bloodsucker? IS IT A LEECH?!?!" Ron Asked biting his finger nails in fear.

"What do you mean she got with the bloodsucker? And you were with her MOM before you were with here!?!?! And neither of them care?!?!?" Harry asked way, way confused.

"Oh god… I knew you wouldn't understand. I'll give you the damn run down… So listen up!" I started. "The Adams family is a cartoon about this family and there screwy, like you all, and they're very depressing like scary house material. The Cullen family is _kinda_ like that; well actually they are in my book… The bloodsucker is Edward… I hate him… He's the vampire, and well sadly Nessie's Dad. He and Bella got married. AND I thought we'd already been over how they LOVED EACH OTHER VERY MUCH! Which lead to Nessie… don't they teach Sex Ed Here? And YES I was with… well into, Bella I was kinda in love with her… And we kissed twice, No sex! So it's all good. They don't care because I don't feel that way about Bella anymore and they both know that. OK?" I finished with a big huff. They looked a little less confused they opened there mouths I knew they were gonna ask another group of questions and I didn't have time for this!

"OK! So were good? Great! Now let's get that love potion going!" I said turning on my heels.

"Um… Jacob, we still don't know what potion to make…" Harry said calmly. I turned to him.

"DO I LOOK LIKE THE GENIOUS THAT NOWS EVERYTHING???? NO! GO FIGURE IT OUT!" I yelled at them. They shrunk back a little.

"But we don't know where to begin…" Hermione whispered. Ron and Harry nodded in agreement. I sighed. I looked at them once. They just stared at, AND I THOUGH I HAD PICKED THE SMART GROUP! Great…

"Erm… well isn't there a damn potion teacher or some shit like that?" I asked them

"Um… yah but…" Harry started I put my hand up to quite him.

"Don't make this more confusing. GO FUCKING GET HIM! TALK TO HIM! BRAINWASH HIM! I DON'T CARE!" I yelled at them turning around and walking away. I was having a bad day I didn't need any of this shit.

"Where are you going?" Ron asked me I could hear the upset-ness in his voice.

"I don't fucking know! JUST DO YOUR JOB! And I'll do mine!" then my stomach growled. "Hey um guys" I said turning around. "First can we go get something to eat?"

Chapter 16: _HUNGER GET WHAT HUNGER WANT… In this case hugs._

They took the longest way yet get to the dining hall. I swear! I saw half of the castle 3 times before we finally got there. I felt like I was gonna collapse from hunger when we got there. I WAS STARVING! I caught a glimpse of Nessie when I walked in; she was snuggled up to Draco. He was hugging her o him and talking to some people around the table. IT WAS REVOLTING! I was happy that I was so hungry because I knew if I hadn't been I would have lost my appetite completely. We sat in are usual spot Ginny in front of me Harry at her side and Hermione and Ron beside me. I'd only been here 2 days and I knew the routine already. I sighed I felt depressed with these ninnies… by the time we developed a plan Nessie and her UGLY boy would be on their honeymoon…

"What's wrong Jake?" Ginny asked sympathetic.

"Oh… Why Draco? Ginny I don't think I'll ever get Ness back…" I said putting my forehead on the table. Ron patted my back. I looked at him with a BACK-THE-FUCK-OF-Look. He stopped and started eating again.

"OHHH! Jake it'll be ok! You find someone that's good for you." Ginny said smiley.

"I have but she's taken head over heels for some blonde Jerky nerd who thinks he's ALL-THAT-AND-A-BAG-O-CHIPS." I said plainly. She reached over and grabbed my face. Her hands were warm on my cheeks.

"It'll work out. I promise." She said "NOW eat up. Your stomach sounds like you haven't eaten in days!" She said jokingly. I smiled she really knew how to cheer a person up. Then I remembered my hunger and before Ron could protect the food he was going to eat. It was all on my plate or in my mouth along with about every other thing food related around me.

"Ugh" Everyone in a 2 seat radius said and moved down or asked the person next to them for a bite to eat. I smiled. I they were gonna eat by me they had to learn the style of "Grab and protect" for their food. I wasn't the kind of person that gave my food up! I was a growing man and I needed LOTS AND LOTS of food.

We decided it was best to go to the potions room early in the morning since it was curfew. I shuffled behind my group silently on the way to the living quarters. I avoided faces. They talked happily in front of me, mostly about subjects and things they did today. Harry, Hermione, and Ron were older students so they didn't have to attend class this week, which was a good thing! Ginny talked up a storm about her day, a lot of it I didn't understand, I tried to pay attention but after a while I just lost track. Harry took over for me and the rest of the group, actively engaging in the one way conversation that Ginny was having (with mostly herself). Most of the walk there was a blur and by the time we got to the Common room I was ready to collapse. I instantly walked over and fixed my bed.

"Um… Jacob." I looked up to see harry and Ron. Behind them were some other Gryfindorks. I smiled at my little joke.

"Yah, guys?" I asked them. They looked at each other; I caught a smile on their faces.

"Well we were thinking… and there's a perfectly good bunk in our room that you can borrow. We were thinking that maybe you would like to use it?" Harry asked me.

"Um… sure guys." They all smiled. They grabbed my arm and lead me to my new sleeping quarters. It was a nice room. They sat me down on an empty (I guessed) bunk. They threw me some clothes. I could only guess were some P.J.'s and gathered around me.

"We have some questions." One of them said. I looked at them all. Then I realized why they wanted me in here.

"OH! OK… well… Erm... can I change before we talk about this stuff." Their faces got a little redder. Harry nodded in response. I got up slowly; they moved to make a passage for me. I looked behind once to see that they were looking at me, some more boys had joined the circle… I guess they didn't have Sex Ed. Here… I slowly walked to the bathrooms, and there I slowly pulled on the LUCKLY Loose P.J.'s. I smiled they had gotten my size right this time! I then went to the bathroom. (For I REALLY had to pee.) Then with a quick look at myself. (I looked depressed as usual) I returned to my new sleeping spot. I sat down and the questions started.

Chapter 17: _ An interesting way to start a horrible day? Hmm… let me think…_

After my big Breakfast we went to the potions room. Last night had been interesting experience. I had to pretty much talk through step by step the process of a lot of sexual things. It was a good refresher, but I had two kids leave the room to barf in a few parts. Along with that I also had to teach the nerds how to pick up women. Tonight I was scheduled for another lesson on the bases of 1st -3rd base. That ought to be interesting. I saw of the few kids I had educated picking (or at least trying to) up some ladies. Oh course it was time to get down to business but I couldn't help but feel like a rock star.

Like everything else in this wacko place it took a LONG time to get there. We went up and down so many stairs I felt like I had lost 50 pounds. Not including the walking down long hallways that seemed endless. It was kind of cool though all the weird Grand halls with moving stair cases and the ceilings that seemed to touch the sky they were so tall. And all the pictures we walked by that seemed to be in their own little world. People walking talking doing things… EVEN Dogs playing poker! It was amazing! Not to mention the Ghosts. My whole time there I hadn't even seen one of them. But on that one trip I saw like 125 of them! (Something along those lines.) When we finally made it there. I needed to sit down. I sat on one of the weird oldies desks they had lined up. I put my hands behind my back and stared at them. They stared back at me.

"Um… Aren't you gonna start looking around for whatever the hell you need?" I asked them.

"OH YAH RIGHT!" Hermione, Ron, And Harry said. I rolled my eyes. Geez and these guys killed the greatest wizard this place had to offer? How long did that take me? Ron knocked a glass beaker of a desk. He put his hand over his mouth.

"MY BAD!" He said scared. Well he sure didn't help them in that process I could tell now. This kid was a bad egg I could tell. I rolled my eyes again at them. Must have been a few years before they even came up with a plan. Maybe it was all accidental. Like in one of those books were after a long chain of weird accidental things and happenings the good stupid character stops the Bad really smart character, Of course things in stories wasn't stuff that you could expect to happen but hey! Vampires, Wizards, and Werewolves are supposed to be story book things and APPARENTLY they were real! (HEHE!) But whatever the case I was stuck with these stupid story book like "good" characters. Hopefully I'll have the same luck as them and do the impossible! I smiled at that thought and closed my eyes. Then the door slammed open. I opened my eyes everyone froze including the person at the door.

"Malfoy." Harry said. I looked over at the door.

"Potter…" Draco Malfoy said.

Chapter 18: _Stuck in the one spot you don't want to be stuck._

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON!?!" I yelled at them. Malfoy turned and looked at me. All the color in his face drained away. I looked at the book he was holding. "Love potions and Love spells for dummies" was the title. I looked at him then.

"No…." I said getting putting my hand palm down on the table. He dropped the book and put his hands in front of him.

"It's not what you think!" He said to me.

"What? That you used some freaky potion on my girl and made her fall in love with you skinny ass?" I said trying to control my voice. I gritted my teeth together.

"Oh ok… well maybe it is…" he said walking backwards toward the door. I growled at him and he jumped.

"WHY YOU LITTLE! IM GONNA KILL YOU!" I said I tried standing up but I couldn't I stared at him confused. He looked confused to then he smiled and laughed. I looked down. The old desk had turned out to be too small for my more massive body…. I was stuck!

"HAHA DOG! You're stuck in a chair you fatty!" He said laughing. That was the dumbest thing I had ever heard…

"WHEN I GET OUT IM GONNA KILL YOU!" I screeched. "Harry, Hermione! Zap him! DO SOMETHING!" I yelled at them they looked at me confused then looked back at Draco. I turned to him but he was already gone.

"Oopsies..." Harry and Hermione said… they looked at me.

"Um… Sorry…"Hermione said. Harry grunted in agreement.

"WHAT ABOUT ME?!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME?? DAMN YOU!" Ron asked or well more yelled at me.

"Um… Sorry? But right now I'm in a little bit of a pickle… you see. Draco has my girl under a love spell or something and now that I know and he knows I do well… to make this simple. HE'S GONNA FIND A WAY TO COVER HIS ASS!" I yelled at them. "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?" I scolded/yelled at them. They looked at me.

'Well SORRY!" Harry said

"Well… at least we have the book…" Hermione said. We all glared at her. "Just saying! Geez!" She added. I rolled my eyes.

"Can someone help me out of this seat? My ass is starting to hurt!" I asked. They instantly came over and pulled me out of the chair. I lost my pants during the process and since I had no good underwear my little group got a peak at my package. Hermione giggled and the boys were surprised. I grumbled. Cold this day get ANY Worse? Ugh. I sighed pulling my pants back on.

"So… now what?" Ron asked when I got my pants back on. I looked at him.

"Hell is I know." I said picking up the book Draco had dropped. There was a bookmark in it. I touched it then looked at them. They gathered around I flipped to the page Draco had bookmarked. The title was in big black letters.

"THE FOREVER LOVE POTION." I read the title. "That definitely doesn't sound good." I sad looking at them he nodded in agreement, but before I could continue reading. Another character appeared at the door… well another 3. GULP. I should have known this would happen.

"See professor Snape! I told you they were up to something." Draco said. My group froze. I looked behind him and saw Nessie, The look on her face, I flinched she shook her head no at me. Great now she thought I was the one who was going to/had slipped happy-love-potion into her drink. I gulped again. I couldn't breathe.

"Jake… How could you." She said sadly. I opened my mouth.

"Harry you know is against the rules to use potions and spells upon other students. I'm going to have to tell Dumbledore about this!" Snape said menacingly. Snape was a tall thin pale man (like the Cullens) with greasy shoulder length black hair and a creepy smile. (unlike the Cullens) He was scary looking, I was already afraid of him.

"Sir I can explain…" Harry started.

"No there is no explanation for this I already see that you are in need of punishment. 50 points each from Gryffindor, Now Potter you can explain to your classmates and Dumbledore why you stole from me and planed on using magic upon one of our guests." Snape said he grabbed Harry by the arm and started pulling him away.

"WAIT! I said. It's my fault not his. It was my idea and I got them into this. They didn't know what I was going to do. Don't punish them." I said they all looked at me. Even Renesmee turned to look at me. "Please." I said though it was to Renesmee Snape thought I was talking to him.

"Well… then I guess you AND Mr. Potter can come with me to Dumbledore's office. 50 points from Gryffindor and I'll be watching." I thought…CREEPER!!!!! Harry looked at me and shrugged sadly. He and I followed Snape slowly out the door and down the hall I looked back once and I wish I hadn't. Renesmee was watching me with Draco's arm around her. Our group was looking at us in sympathy, Renesmee just stared, but their faces didn't catch my attention it was the evil look on Draco's.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

Chapter 19: _The cat's out of the box now…_

"I'm telling you the truth Dumbledore…" I told him. His blue eyes just twinkled at me.

"Jacob you expect me to believe that Draco Malfoy framed you?" He asked me jokingly.

"YUS!" I said. "Please you need to believe me." I begged him. He looked at me… and I saw something I thought I'd never see. He frowned.

"Please." I said to him, "I did want to give her a love potion. And now I see how horrible that was. Now I just want what's best for her. I can't let her be manipulated by him, if she loves him. I'll leave them be, But only if she loves him for him. And not because he slipped a love potion to her." I told him pleadingly.

"Are you sure you just don't want him to have her?" He asked me.

"NO! Please. I just want what's best for her. Please. I don't ever have to see her again." I told him simply.

"What about her family?" He asked.

"She's smart… if it's best if she doesn't go back to them… then that's ok…" I said.

"So if your right… then what do you expect us to do?" He asked one of his eyebrows raised.

"I…." I looked at him "I don't know…" I felt cold. I put my hand over my face.

"There's nothing I can do." He said to me I looked up. "It's up to you Jacob" He finished. I looked up at him. He smiled and winked. Now I raised my eyebrow.

"You're free to go Mr. Black. Mr. Potter," I had forgotten that Harry was in the room."I expect that you will be in here again by next week sooooo see ya then." He said walking walking out the door as I stood up.

"WAIT! I don't know where to go or what to do!" I yelled.

"Don't worry you'll figure it out Mr. Black. They always do…" He said I couldn't hear the rest for he had disappeared. I smiled and got up. I turned to Harry for help, but that prick just winked and walked out the door.

Chapter 20: _A werewolf and his pack are prepared for everything… Usually…_

_This is my time to shine._ I thought to myself. I was in wolf form running toward the Syltherin quarters I was going to prove my innocence. I was going to save the damsel kill the dragon and hopefully in the process get the girl!

"WAIT! Jacob!" I heard behind me I stopped and turned around.

"You forgot about us!" Ginny said. I looked behind her to see the whole crew; Harry, Hermione, Ron, and even the rest of the Weasly family including the guy with the cool look! I smiled in wolf form. Ginny grinned at me. I then noticed how the whole group was dressed; they looked like there were in a secret army. All Cameo/Black and even some black stripes smeared across their cheekbones, Wands at the ready if I had been looking at them from a different perspective I would of thought they were a little melodramatic or just crazy. But this was a reconnaissance mission in my book. We had to save Nessie.

"We couldn't let you go alone Jake." She said simply. Though it was a clique thing to gay at a moment like this, I really took it too heart, I jumped with full wolfy force onto her, knocking her down then I licked her face. She laughed and pushed me away. I heard Harry grumble. I chuckled at him; I must be a better kisser then him even in wolf-form. That was pretty sad.

"Come on let's go!" Ginny said shoving me off her chest and holding her wand up, signaling a charge. I Howled in agreement. And (like in the cheesy action/sappy movies) we were off running down the corridors, but when we turned the corner I stopped. A group of Gryffindor people looked at us. I heard my "Army" Behind me stop Ron didn't quite realize that we had stopped in time, I heard him run into Hermione. She cursed him and he cursed her back. Typical couple problems, I wondered if they were gonna turn out like Bella and Edward; It would be interesting to see them fight each other to the death, I'd witnessed Bella and Edward duke it out once. I was the one who held Renesmee (covering her eyes at certain parts, and laughing with her at others.). It hadn't been very pretty (though from my POV it was AWSOME it was a dream come true! Nessie thought it was funny too. Of course she had only been like a year old.). Bella ended up being the victor (well I think she cheated. I mean who would hit a girl? Especially your wife? I know Edward wouldn't. Plus she didn't take an easy on him. Kicked and kneed him in places that NO ONE should).

"Um charge?" Ron said interrupting my inner babble. We all looked at him for a minute. Obviously he had recovered from the blow Hermione had dealt on him. He shrugged I rolled my eyes, and turned back to the group. They shared glances then looked at us. There was a brief awkward silence. I scanned their faces. I was struck with an idea. Quickly I ran behind my group. They turned their attention to me.

"Jacob what are you doing…? OH!" Harry started to ask me as I changed back to human form. My group looked at my naked self. I looked back at them waiting for them to stop and get me some clothing, but they just stared at my nude self. WTF?

"What the Hell are you looking at?! Someone get me some damn clothes!" I yelled at them. They "Oh Sorry"-ed at me in response. I shook my head at them. STUPID! After some confusion my little force got me some clothes. Finally I took my spot in front of my group again. About 50 people/kids stared at me. I cleared my throat; I looked at them all for a moment then opened my mouth.

_Wait a sec… I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THEM!! HELP!_ I thought OH god. Why did I keep getting myself into this kind of crap? I stared at them some more pretending that I was trying to build suspense but I was really just trying to think of something to say without making a fool of my stupid ass! They DIDN'T need to know I was a dumb ass; it was best if only Bella knew, but I had already lost there. A new awkward silence shrouded the room now, and then inspiration struck me!

"ALRIGHT! Now we need your help. The damn Syltherin have made themselves a nuisance" ("again" Harry added. I looked at him and continued.) "ANY WAY! We can't kick there asses by ourselves. So we need you guys to… well… pull a LITTLE prank on them. We PROMISE you won't get in trouble. Hey! You can throw a few punches we don't care!" I said happily they exchanged glances again. "So..." I prompted. They stared at me.

"CHARGE!" They yelled raising their wands. I smiled slyly at them.

"THEN LET'S MOVE FORCE! WE CAN'T DIDLE DADLE!" I Yelled they WOOWED in response and within seconds I was in wolf form again running with my **New Pack** behind me.

Chapter 21: _SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE ARMY!!!!!_

*Knock, knock*

"What the heck is that?"

"It's probably a 1st year who forgot the password. Let em in"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

He opened the door and looked out at us.

"SURPRISE!" I yelled, pulling back my fist. His eyes bulged and he lifted his hands up to protect his face, but I was way too fast. _WHACK! SLAM! _Well… He was out on the floor. I heard a scream from inside. And without a word, we ambushed them screaming at the top of our lungs. They hadn't seen it coming and were unprepared of course. I changed into wolf again and ran through the crowd (Pouncing an unsuspecting Syltherinite every so often just to scare the shit outa them.). Flashes of light were sounding of around the room. I knew that none of the flashes of "magic" were being used lethally, we had already been over that, and most of the spells I could tell were being directed away from people. There sole purpose was to scare Syltherins out of their little minds.

_Where could they be? _I thought to myself. I knew that I would find her with Malfoy (sadly) so I focused on finding their scent; it was hard though people were running around like idiots confusing my nose. Finally I reached an area of the living quarters where not very Syltherins were still, well, standing I guess. A few Gryffindors were running down it chasing little packs of Syltherins. I guessed that they had already started herding people out of the quarters. I turned down another hall dominated by doors on each side. It smelled musty in here and the stone walls/floors/ceilings made it cold. One of the doors was opened, I looked in 4 bunks were lined up on either wall 3 beds to a bunk.

_WOW close Quarters… _I thought continuing down the hall. This place was fucking confusing! 4 halls connected at one point but luckily I had their scent (Or at least what I hoped was their scent) Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn, WHAT IF I GET LOST IN THIS FUCKING MAZE? Then I heard a sigh, well not just any sigh! A Renesmee sigh, YUS! I WIN! WHERE'S MY TREAT?!?! Another one followed, along with another and a few others.

*Sigh_* miss you too, I understand how you feel._ I thought more to myself then the imaginary Nessie I had poof-ed into my head, only about 3 days with these loons and I was crazy like them. GREAT! Maybe I can get the Cullens to pay for the therapy this time. I followed the sound of the sighs down the scary dungeon corridor (in real life this is the part where you would covered your eyes and yelled at the main character not to go into the room or open the door.) At the end of this hall, instead of extending into a 4 way intersection of dungeon corridors, there was a room (Thank god! I was sick of all these corridors!) The door was cracked open but there was no light on inside it.

_SO they THREW her in a DARK COLD room all ALONE! _I pretty much mind-screamed, I knew Malfoy was a bad person… Slug… Leech… THINGY! I quickly changed out of Wolf mode and into human mode, Then Quickly I threw on my extra pair of clothes (This time I remembered them!!!) and walked to the door way. I stood there for a moment thinking of what I would say. _"Renesmee I'm sorry, you don't love him trust me. I can prove it to you. First! Let me get you out of here."___I didn't know how far I would get with that but I was too excited to see her again (AND BE ABLE TO PROVE MALFOY WAS A BAD PERSON!) to think up something better. I sighed and pushed the door open, Took one step in, and saw what was really going on in the room. The image of Nessie with a guy, head buried in the crook of her neck, came back to me. But this time it was something I was REALLY seeing, and the guy… It Was Malfoy.

Chapter 22:_ OHH! Now I get it!_

"Oh. My. God..." That was all I could say the moment. She opened her eyes and looked at me. We made eye contact for one brief moment and that's all I needed. My heart, which had been held together only, by the little Band-Aid of hope that I would get her back, shattered… I felt like I had been ripped into pieces. Everything I had hoped for, everything I had dreamed up seemed to go poof in the mist of her eyes. All emotion, all feeling, and all thought slipped away from me. I now knew what it was like. For her, For Bella, what it was like to see that person just walk out that door. I knew she was there, but it wasn't the girl I loved, it was Malfoy's Girl toy.

"Jacob…" She said. Malfoy stopped and turned to look at me, I didn't look at him I already knew what he looked like, I had already seen thee expression on his face, that stupid evil smile that made him look like a ferret. I looked at Renesmee, stared into her searching, looking, NOTHING. I shook my head I was too late. I sighed trying to remember what I was going to say but I knew even if I did it wouldn't help me, I would never say it. I looked back at her finally. THOUGHT… Then looked back down, Damn I couldn't think again! THEN for the last time I looked back at her.

"Um…" I stuttered, and then I was struck with another wave of inspiration.

"Um... MAKE SURE TO Double Rap, uh… before you tap, also… uh… oh! Remember to wash!" I said robotically. She looked at me puzzled Malfoy cracked up. I glanced at him, and THEN sense came back to me. My eyes narrowed my teeth gritted together my hands clenched into fists.

"Also make sure that blonde dweeb's like Malfoy don't drop Roofies in your drink. They tend to fuck you on contact. And another tip of advice it's not good to give a guy what he wants after you've only known him for 4 days. That's called Bang and drop which your little lover boy is into." I paused there to let her take this in, and then continued before she could respond. "Another thing it's not safe to hang with horny guys in dark dungeons along with ditching the one guy who actually cares where you wind up in the morning for some guy who can't wait to hit some skin." I stopped and glared at her. She had her mouth hung open in a gasp. "All I did was try and protect you and look where that's got me? In a dark Fucking dungeon with an ugly ass dick weed and a girl who thinks she's tough but she really has no idea what the fuck the real world is like, And out there." I pointed out the door. "Are bunch of DD nerds who I can actually relate with. So you know what Renesmee. I HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING HAPPY! Because I'm sick of looking after your ass and if I have to kill myself to get away from you I will! I'm sick of this shit!" I finished turning and walking away.

I didn't care anymore. I didn't want this pain, I was done. This was over, there was not a thing in the world that could make me go back there apologize and ask for her back. Not a thing could stop me. I was leaving this Dungeon and after that I was getting the first ticket out of this HELL HOLE. I didn't dare turn around, but I didn't have to. I already knew she was crying. Like a ghost I walked out, past the confusion, past the screaming, past everything I had created. No one stopped me; no one seemed to see me. (Which; confused the hell out of me… How do you not see a tall Indian guy walking out of a room full of short pale English kids? I will never know.) If I hadn't been so depressed I probably would of noticed the excited-ness (and that I was so depressed.) But I couldn't bring myself to it. She really hurt me this time. LUCKLY NOT PHYSICALLY LIKE BELLA USUALY DID! But still this one hurt. Like mother like daughter! With that I remembered that I was going to lose another thing valuable to me if I went home without a Nessie beside me. (AND THIS ONE WAS A BODY PART! WHICH ALSO MENT NONREPLACEABLE.) *gulp*

_Well you better start plotting buddy. I don't think Bella will have any sympathy for you dude._ My inner voice pointed out. (Great now I was becoming a Skitsafrantic!) Well… It… Or well I mean, myself was correct. Wow that stuff is confusing… I sighed. And for the first time ever walked my way to Dumbledore's office.

Chapter 23: _Just when I thought this shit was over to!_

"I failed." I told him. He smiled at me. What a douche. "I mean Epic failed."

"Epic… Failed? Well I've never heard that before!" He chuckled, "Now what makes you say that?" He asked me eyebrow raised.

"It's not that hard to understand I promise you." I took a deep breath, the eye brow raised. (I wondered if I could get it to touch that receding hair line of his…) I continued. "She hates me, she loves him, I'm toast, but that's not the biggest problem. Soon I'm going to lose the only thing that says I'm male! I just need a way out of this mess, apparently she's happy, and I don't want to piss her off anymore. Do you have like a plane ticket or something I could use?" I looked at him for help. He pursed his lips together. "Help?" I asked weakly. He smiled; He then stood up and strolled over to a bookshelf.

"SO what was the name of this…? Love potion again?" He asked me turning his head slightly to me.

"Uhh… which one…? The one I was planning on using or…" I asked shakily.

"The one Malfoy used on her." He interrupted. Turning ever so slightly to me and (guess what…) smiling. I felt my heart well up. (HE HAD FINALLY FUCKING RELIZED I WAS INNOCENT!!) Then a horrible realization came over me.

"You're not going to use some magical shit on her are you?" I asked worriedly. He turned to me.

"Well that was my plan; it would be more confusing to just push you out of here then to do something about her and Malfoy. Plus if they are "happy with each other" Hogwarts could be sued if any "mistakes" were to happen." He said. I frowned at him.

"Look dude I'm not 9. I know what SEX and BABIES are, and more importantly I know how they connect. How do you think Renesmee got into this world? You can just flat out tell me that the school could get sued if they had sex and he knocked her up, OK? Also, shouldn't you have a thing in a contract somewhere saying that it's not your fault if any of that shit happens? Because, I know A LOT of couples that could I could imagine doing that shit." I told him outright. The eyebrow lifted again. I sighed, and shook my head. "But I do see the Point of, "Hit two bird with one stone" In this, I just want you to know I don't really care anymore and that I'm not getting into that mess again."

"Well why not Jacob? YOU do love her don't you? I thought you wanted her back?" He asked me, not really expecting and answer just burning it into my skin. Ugh me and my big mouth. When I get back ill have Bella sew my mouth close, so then I won't scream when she rips it off. I bet it will save me a lot of trouble in the future to.

"Yah, yah, I do love her. But sometimes you have to learn to pick your battles…"

"Well in this battle. You have everything, there's no chance that the enemy can win."

"Yah but, how can you save a captured soldier if they like there captor?" I prodded.

"With a little magic and hope nothings impossible." He told me smiley (big surprise). I rolled my eyes at the magic thing.

"Look you don't seriously think that there's such thing as "Magic" right?" I asked.

"Oh Jacob, without magic, what would life be? We all have a little magic in us and that's why Hogwarts is here!" He told me.

"Alright prove it." I said. He smiled. Then he handed me a book and a stick.

"No you prove it." He told me and then pushed me out of his office. I looked down at the book in my hand. It read; "Love potions for DUMBIES" Oh not this again.

Chapter 24: _I'd like a witch's caldron and a fucking clue what the hell I'm doing. Please._

_Gee I love staring all day! Don't you? _The inner voice prompted me for the third time. Now it was using sarcasm! I looked at the olden text again trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. Apparently Dumbledore had left me all the ingredients in a little baggy. (WHICH HE HAD ALSO USED TO MARK THE PAGE, if he hadn't I'd be flipping through a 3,000 page book which I could barely read! Looking for some love potion which name I could barely remember!) I looked at the baggy. Then at the page, and repeated the process a couple hundred times. Sighed and then put the baggy down. I wondered what had been in it the last time it was used. Probably cocaine…I'm pretty sure they grew that here…like, A LOT!!! Exhibit A: Dumbledore.

"So I'm guessing we need a mixing bowl of some sorts, a spoon or so. And a couple people who know how the hell to do this shit." I told myself. I looked around me for a moment. I was perched on a stairwell. I had no idea where it went, but it was the first one I saw on my way to where ever the hell myself was taking myself. *Sigh* this was going to be interesting. No one was walking in these hall's it was silent simply silent. I had no idea what time it was only that it was late enough to be dark out. They needed to put some clocks in this place. How did kids know what time it was and what class to go to? Geez, did they even have electricity here? I closed the book with the ingredient baggy in it. (The baggy out just enough so I could see what page to flip to in this monster of a book) I slid the book under my arm pit, stood up, and started my walk to the dorms. Which; I had no idea where I was and where they were, I could tell already this was going to be interesting. I walked down the corridor and when I came to a fork in the halls. I played Ennie-meanie-minie-moe, and continued down the winning hall. I did this for about 7 intersections and realized I was going in a weird circle. I stopped sniffed the air, and followed a scent. (Like the only one I could pick up) down a hall then left and right and two lefts, after that I lost track, and stopped in front of a door. I looked around me for a moment, and then opened the door slightly. Some candles flickered inside just enough to be able to see the contents of the room.

"JACKPOT!" I almost yelled to myself. There was a steep stairs going down. Desks lined the steps like bleachers. At the bottom of the large room there were a few cauldrons, And a desk, behind the desk was a black board, scribbled on it were directions of some sort and a vocabulary translations. There were some sinks and some jars on bookshelves, including a door to some place behind the black board. I strolled down the stairs and to the bottom. I opened the book on a desk near one of the cauldrons. I studied the board then when I was sure I understood what was written on it turned to the book. (NOW I COULD UNDERSTAND THIS DAMN BOOK! Well kinda.) I read the directions over until I was sure I knew what the hell to do. Then I turned to cauldron, it was big…. a _little_ too big then what the book had suggested. At least what I thought the book suggested.

_Now what Jake?_ The inner voice asked. I sighed. Then looks around me, COME ON COME ON! I NEED ANOTHER MIRACLE! ANYTHING! PLEASE! I begged to nothing in particular. I ran over to the book shelf. I searched it. Nothing, great… I looked around the room hoping to see a pantry or something but here was none. I put my hands on my head. NOW WHAT? Then I remembered the door. I looked over at it, well it could work. I walked over and opened it slowly. I stuck my head in and looked around. It was dark; I could make out a short string hanging inside. I reached my hand in, when I couldn't reach it I stepped in and grabbed it, I smiled satisfied and with a tug I pulled it expecting the room to fill with light but instead the whole string fell, I felt a furry thing on my hand. My face went pale.

"AHH!" I screamed, jumping back and falling on my ass. A rat peeked his head out at me. I felt my stomach flip and with it came the urge to vomit. The rat squeaked and ran away into a hole in the wall. OHMIGOD a rat just touched me. I shook myself and ran over to the sink scorching my hand with HOT water. FUCKING RATS! I should have known this dump would have damn rats. UGH! I gagged and walked shakily back to the door opening it completely to look inside. There were a bunch of candles around the room, I grabbed the nearest candle in the main room and lit the candles one by one. When I was done with that job (WHICH TOOK FOR FUCKING EVER) I looked around in it. There was a good sized bed in the corner and some tables and bookshelves around the room. Things covered the shelves and tables like in Dumbledore's office, there was a bouquet of dead roses near the bed. Interesting… I found a small cauldron though! I smiled giddily and returned to the book. I gathered my makeshift materials up and began.

Chapter 25: _Easy peasy Lemon… Wow, wait…. Who said anything about lemons?_

I rubbed my forehead. Well I had created it. I grabbed the ladle and a vial I had found in the desk. I started scooping the concoction into the vial. It smelled… Different, my nose wasn't very fond of it. I had no idea how to get her to drink it and how to make it work so she loved me. There were no ideas or suggestions in the book. *sigh* this is going to be… INTERESTING…. I put the vial near the book and started cleaning the cauldron out along with the other things I had used in hopes that it would make the process easier. (THIS meant like 120 spoons and 57 bowls.) Then put my supplies away sliding the rest of the ingredients into the book. I started cleaning up the multiple desks I had used, when I heard someone walk in. I looked up, my eyes widened. I had forgotten to close the door! DAMNIT! SO CLOSE TO! I closed the book quickly and looked back at the figure expecting to recognize Snape or maybe some other teacher that I had caught a glimpse of, But this wasn't a teacher in front of me, that fact didn't make me any happy to see the person though. Uh oh.

"Jake!" She said quickly and turned around almost spiriting away from the room. I stood there awestruck for a while, then suddenly realizing the opportunity in front of me I RAN up the stairs (almost falling once!) and into the hall. She turned around to see me and then turned back trying to make a run for it. I was faster though and grabbed her, turning her around to face me.

"Nessie! I'm SO sorry! I didn't mean it! I feel so horrible! I love you Ness and I just want what's best for you! Please forgive me! I was just so angry at the world! I shouldn't have let that get to me! I never meant to make you cry! IM SO SORRY! AND I still love you and I know…" I said quickly it all rushed out of my mouth before I could think. But she stopped me.

"Jake… He left me…" She said it barely audible. I suddenly realized the tears in her eyes.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered confused.

"He dumped me Jakie…" She paused I just stared at her. "I went looking for him… but... OH JAKE! I'm sorry did this! I…" She started on the outside I looked confused maybe a little worried. But on the inside I was having an inner victory dance. (Yus! YES!!! YUS!!!!!! No I am not having a boner nor do I sound like that when I do…)

"But I thought he loved you?" I asked halfheartedly.

"Well… he loved my body…?" she said shyly. I KNEW IT! "You were right, he did want to have sex with me… but I didn't want to. So he got all upset and told me he hated me and that there was no us…" She finished tears spilling over.

"Oh Ness… it's ok… Guys are just like that…" I said pulling her into me, letting sob her eyes out.

"Jacob! I'm sorry I was so stupid! I can't believe I did this."She cried.

" It ok Ness…" I said escorting her into the room.

"No it's not Jake! How can you ever forgive me?!" She cried some more, I sat her down on one of the bottom desks, grabbed the potion and sat down next to her, pulling her into me again.

"Here Ness drink this." I told her handing the potion to her. She looked at it real quick.

"Ok." She said sniffing then chugging the potion. When she was done she looked around her.

"What the?" she said then looked at me. "Jake… I feel different. Wait… who was crying about?"

"Uh…. Draco?" I more asked her.

"The Bouncing ferret kid?" She asked me.

"Uh… YAH! Let's go with that!" I said, confused as she was. She glared at me then.

"What the hell did you put in that vial." She asked me?

"Uh… at the moment… I don't really know… I thought it was..." I started stopping myself… "Never mind." She frowned. Then walked over to the book flipping it open to the marked page.

Chapter 26: _Big surprise? More like GOAL!_

Oh crap, I thought. She is going to soooooo kill me now. But much to my surprise, Nessie just turned around and gave me a small smile.

"You were right, Jake." She walked over and gave me a hug. "Thank you." She murmured in my ear.

"You're welcome?" I said suspiciously. What the crap just happened? She just found out that I had made her a love potion and she was THANKING me?! I glanced at the page of the book on the table behind her. I could just make out the small print. It said "The Out of Love Potion – Will Undo Any Love Potion" Dumbledore , I thought as I shook my head.

Nessie quietly pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes.

"Jake" she said. sitting in my lap. My eyes widened this was new.

"Um… yah….?" I said she smelled so good. She put her hand in my hair pulling me close to her. Are noses touched, now this was really new! And I couldn't help but like it.

"I love you, ok?" she whispered to me.

"I love you more." I whispered with a smile. She opened her eyes and stared into mine. Then with a deep breath we kissed. I knew Edward was going to kill me, but she wanted this. I grabbed her leg and lifted it up and wrapped in around my waist. She pulled back and looked at me. We stared at each other. Then she did something I never thought she would do. She pulled back and slapped me.

"What the hell was that?!?!" I yelled at her. She smiled at me and laughed.

"Not here Jake." She said simply. I looked at the door. THANK YOU GOD!

"Well." I said garbing her and pulling her into the room. I gestured to the bed. She glared at me, Then I remembered. "We don't have to do it Ness." I said quickly realizing the mistake I was making. I grabbed her arm and started leading her out of the room. I didn't want to make the same mistake as Draco. I felt horrible now. She shook her hand out of mine. I looked at her she strolled over to the bed and sat down. When I didn't move she patted the space beside her, I still didn't move. She rolled her eyes and spread her legs.

"Come on! We don't have to tell them!" she told me. I stared at her. Or well at part of her. She sighed. And grabbed my shirt pulling me down onto the bed, and onto her! "It's ok." She whispered at me.

_Let it begins!!!!_My inner voice (which was apparently the pervy part of my mind) said happily. Because I'm a gentleman… I won't spoil what happened that night, but Dumbledore was right there is such thing as magic and in the end I did prove it. It was A LOT better then Leah, now I see why Sam dumped her for Emily… but I do have to say one thing…. SCORE!!!!!!!

Chapter 27: _I can hear the bells already! Or maybe it's just those damn birds…_

"_**Dum Dum Da Dum! Dum Dum Da Dum!" **_ I CAN EXPLAIN! Yes I was marring the love of my life… and yes I knew what I was doing. But let's back up here. It began that morning. Yes that morning. I had been in this place for 4 days. But that wasn't the problem…. I woke up happy and well slept like any morning only this time another person was sleeping with me.

"Good morning hunny…" She whispered to me kissing down my cheekbone. She was currently on top of me and of course nude. Dear god save me!

"Good morning." I sighed back she giggled, and then stroked my face. I smiled at her and she smiled back. Then her face went serious. "What?" I asked her softly.

"Nothing I was just thinking…" she sighed.

"About…"

"Us… you know the future…"

"What? Oh Hun, you shouldn't worry about us, I'll never leave you. I love you Renesmee." I told her softly; she smiled half heartedly, and then grinned.

"Well I don't know if my dad will believe that…" she giggled; I moaned and slapped my forehead.

"You had to bring them up…! Oh Ness! And I was on a role to!" I sighed. She frowned at me.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I mean, once they find out your not a virgin anymore they'll kill me! And in the process remove my male genital!" I sobbed to her. She lifted her eyebrow.

"Ok I won't ask about the removing your pennies, thing… but I have an IDEEUH!" she grinned at me again, I looked at her.

"Now what are you getting me into?" I asked her.

"They won't bother you if there's a ring on my finger…" she said simply looking to the side and putting her finger to her lower lip. I sat up she looked back at me and grinned.

"Oh god…" I said simply she frowned; her finger fell from her lip and with her hand to her side.

"What do you mean… I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME?!?" she said hysterically. I sighed and then smiled at her in reassurance. She gave me a "WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-WITH-THAT-DAMN-SMILE?" Look. Then she opened her mouth to speak her mind but I was quicker and put my finger to her lips, shushing her.

"I forgot the damn ring Ness! I can't propose without a ring!" I told her, she smiled widely at me. I hugged her close to me. _Now what Jacob?_

Chapter 27_: I need to borrow a wedding… anyone know a good caterer?_

"Guys… I need your help." I told my fellow Gryffindorians. They were worst for wares all roughed up. I guess after the siege of the Syltherin house they had partied most of the night. Luckily for them it was a weekend! Nessie looked up at me sheepishly. I had my arms wrapped around her waist her back was to me. I smiled and kissed her. She blushed.

"Wha-what? Doh yah-hh need-uh Jay-cob." Harry stuttered, I sighed and turned to Ness.

"I swear they're more productive than this." She smiled at me weakly and we turned to them. "Alright guys I need you to help me plan a wedding and to get my girl a fancy ring." I told them boss like.

"Um… wh-what's the dead line…? *gulp*" someone asked. I sighed.

"Dead line is by the end of the day." I told them simply.

"THEN WE BETTER GET TO WORK!" Ginny yelled at the top of her lungs. Sitting up from where she had been laying. After a few cups of coffee and some showers Ness and I had my crew together. The girls took Ness aside and started planning the dress, while me and the guys tried to come up with some creativity, It didn't take long till the Gay individuals of the group took over, the me and the rest of the crew were just there to Mhm the active groups ideas. After about an hour, some girls came back in and joined in planning. But about an hour into their planning I was swept away by Harry, Ron, and a group of other guys.

"Huh?" I asked them all confused at how I had gone from the common room to outside the house. They all looked at each other and turned back to me.

"We have to take you on your bachelor party Jacob." Harry told me plainly. They smiled, I knew they were expecting some appreciation from me but all I could say was…

"WHAT?" they looked at me. Harry shook his head. He grabbed my arm and they dragged me away. At first I fought against them, but Ron reminded me of the "party" going on inside the common room. I didn't feel like planning, so I just went along with them. I had no idea where we were going but after an hour or so, I found myself in the dining hall. I looked at them confused they smiled and brought me over to the Gryffindor table which presently wasn't occupied. The other house stared at us confused as we walked in. Syltherin stared at us in fear but I didn't look over there, I wanted to know what was going on. No teachers were sitting presently at the head of the hall. This also surprised me. I was seated by my body guards and they went to work grabbing all the food at the table and moving to my spot. I smiled eagerly.

"Bon appetite!" Ron said smiley as I dug into the food. They took seats (sort of) near me and ate to, they sneaked some food away from me. But I didn't care I felt like king of the world right now!

I looked up just in time to see some Gryffindor girls handing out invitations but shortly after they entered my crew herded me out.

"Why can't I be in there?" I asked them angry I was still not full

"We don't want people bothering you." Harry told me simply.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

AN: We own nothing!!

Chapter 28: _Smile and wave! They won't know what you're thinking!_

She was beautiful. They had dressed her in a sleeveless dress that flowed out like a waterfall. The bodice was a covered with sparkly sequins that formed a beautiful abstract design. A silky white ribbon was wrapped around where the skirt and bodice met and a huge bow was tied in the back. The bow tails dangled down the skirt to the floor. Millions of little bows and flowers decorated the glittery white skirt. It was like snow was falling on her skirt powdering the bows and flowers. It was beautiful, but that's not the things that caught my eye. Her face was decorated to perfection making her doll face look like a angels, her curly bronzy hair fell in tight locks down the front of her bodice, the veil hung over her face so I couldn't see her eyes. But knew they were giddy. Like the skirt the veil was glittery to but the flowers and bows decorated the tops where a diamond tiara perched. It was hard not to stare at her. I couldn't help but do it. She looked like a goddess. But this goddess wasn't marrying some other handsome god. She was marrying my wolfish self. This was the picture perfect beauty and the beast wedding, I taking the role as the beast, and she the poor stupid pretty chick.

"She's beautiful." Harry whispered in my ear approvingly. He, Ron, and Bill (because I liked his getup.), Posed as my best men. If this wedding had been taking place back at forks. Seth, Quill, and Embry, Would be presently behind me. But sadly neither of the two was happening, so I was just trying to make due. No one was giving her away. She just walked by herself up the aisle. The room was decorated like a winter wonderland, candles glowed in the dining hall ceiling like stars and chairs had been magically set up for people to sit. Every chair was full, even a couple kids stood in the back watching. When she reached the alter I smiled at her. She smiled back widely. Then we turned to are makeshift priest; Dumbledore.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these to people in holy matrimony." He started then turned to Ness. "Do you Renesmee Cullen take Jacob Black to be your lawfully wedded husband, and care for him in sickness or health? To love him till death do you part?" he asked her.

"I Do." She said looking at me. I could hear the Joy in her voice. Then we turned back to Dumbledore.

"And do you Jacob Black take Renesmee Cullen to be your lawfully wedded wife, to care for her in sickness or health. To love her till death do you part?" he asked me his eyebrow raised at this, I looked behind him to see Ginny holding up a big sign which said "I DO" on it. I smiled, Then turned back to Dumbledore.

"I very much Do." I said happily. Renesmee sighed along with some other people around the room. Dumbledore smiled, his eyes twinkling.

"You may exchange rings." He said. Renesmee and I looked at each other. THE RINGS! WE FORGOT ABOUT THE RINGS! We then turned back to Dumbledore he had his hand held out to us. In it were two sparkling rings. "We all make mistakes." He whispered chuckling we whispered thank yous and exchanged the rings quickly. "Well... I now pronounce you husband and wife." Then he turned to me "Mr. Black you can NOW kiss the bride." I smiled giggly turned to Nessie and pretty much ripped the veil of her face, before she could do a thing, I smooched her right on the lips. All the girls in the audience AWW'd at us. She looked at me dazed a little then cracked a smile.

"THROW THE FLOWERS!" a girl shouted from the audience a couple others had yelled yah's in agreement. Nessie turned around a flung the bouquet. She rolled her eyes and I laughed.

"I CAUGHT IT!" Yelled a familiar voice, we turned to see Ginny holding up the bouquet happily. Harry Groaned. I looked behind the alter, where I had last saw her. HOW THE HELL HAD SHE MOVED SO QUICK!?!?! Was she a vampire…Nah!

Chapter 29: _OHHH! SO CLOSE!_

I turned to Mrs. Renesmee Black, my wife, (I LOVE HOW THAT SOUNDS!!!) "I think that we should go tell your parents now, Nessie," I told her quietly. She smiled at me.

"I like that idea," she whispered on my ear. We were having one of those moments that I'd only seen Edward and Bella have (when they weren't trying to kill each other of course) But then of course it was ruined. Dumbledore was chuckling. I turned to him.

"What's so funny?" I asked. I was getting kind of irritated at this guy for totally blowing a hole in my perfect make out moment. (wow that came out fast)

"You can't leave." He said as if I would know this. Nessie and I stared at him in confusion.

"What do you mean we can't leave?" Nessie asked in an aggravated tone. (OH GOD! Dumbledore should have known that if you mess with a bride on her wedding day she will personally KILL you!!!!!)

"I mean, my dear Mrs. Black, (I like the sound of that too!) you kids are very nice but well, you know far too much about our little school here and I'm afraid you can't leave. You are to remain here until we believe that you won't go blabbing our secrets to the entire world. Your rooms will be changed now that you are a married couple. You will now be staying in the old head boy and girl's dormitories. I'll see you two at the reception." He gave us a slight bow and just started walking away like nothing was wrong.

Nessie was clinging to my arm for support. "I won't see my Daddy ever again?" She whispered to herself. I turned to her seeing the little tears start to ruin her makeup. Hearing and seeing the heartbreak in her voice and face filled me with determination.

"Yes you will, Ness." I told her firmly.

"But he just said-"I held up a hand to cut her off.

"I know what he said, but that just means we'll have to break out of here!" I gave her a mischievous smile. She smiled in return but this smile was filled with confusion. I put my lips to her ear so it would look like I was just kissing her. "First, we are just going to try walking out of here." She nodded in recognition. We slowly began to walk to the door, acting like we were deep in conversation. We were almost there when some punk ass kid decided to squeal on us.

"Look! They're getting away!" I turned to see who had ousted us. The punk ass kid was Draco Malfoy. One of these days I'm really going to kill him. Who invited him to our wedding anyway?! Draco smiled at his triumph over me. Now the entire wedding party was staring at Nessie and I intensely. I laughed at what Draco said for a few seconds, when I realized it wasn't working I then suddenly shouted "RUN!" Nessie looked at me in pure terror.

"You expect to run in high heels and a train?!?!?!" She yelled at me. I looked at her then looked at everyone, they had their wands out and were tapping them against their hand, and some in the front were taping their feet. (well except for Harry and Ginny they were too busy arguing about if they were gonna get married…) Inspiration struck me. I grabbed Nessie's arm and started walking back to the altar. They still had there wands out and were staring.

"Cool it guys! Were just walking back to the altar, it's ok!" I told them firmly, they relaxed a little. Now Harry and Ginny were paying attention. They moved cautiously near us, Harry looked at me worried. I turned to Ness. "Do you trust me?" I asked her.

"In… Theory…" She said sheepishly.

"You sound just like your mom." I chuckled. Then in one movement, she was on my back and I had the tail of the banister hanging across the hall in my hand. "HOLD ON TIGHT!" I yelled at her. I quickly hoisted my weight up the banister and went flying toward the open door. I smiled giddily! We were gonna make it! Then I realized that the banister ended before the door so we went straight toward the wall. For some reason, I had a feeling I wasn't going through this one. ***SPLAT!* **

"Ow!" was all I could say for my face was currently in a wall, and Renesmee and I were sliding down it. I heard a few wands drop (obviously people were shocked and must of thought we were unconscious. From one of these said wands I heard a ZAP noise. Everyone gasped.

"Oh crud" Snape started to say. "That stupid wand has taken away my inner monologue!" After looking infuriated for a moment, Snape dark eyes landed on Ginny. "God she looks like Lily. I love watching her move around. She has such a sexy walk. It doesn't hurt that she has a good butt. I think all amazingly sexy red heads must be good in bed. I'm sure she come running back for more after one night with me, if I could only get her away from Potter for a few minutes…or hours… Why is everyone staring at me?" We all stared at him silently until an expression of understanding spread across his oily features. "FUCK!" He shouted. Then Harry cursed him. Ginny flushed furiously. (I MEAN HER FACE WAS AS RED AS A TOMATO!) then I heard them

"YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER TO THIS FUCKING PLACE?!?!?!!" Bella roared at me furiously. Well it was time to say goodbye to my male genitalia…

Chapter 29: _Welcome to the party In-laws!_

"DADDY!" Renesmee screamed running up and hugging Edward with a death grip. After a very funny scene Edward was able to pull the crying Renesmee from him taking in a deep unneeded breath once she had stopped trying to squish him. One of the girls in the crowd then walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and looked at her.

"CEDRIC!!!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!!!!!" SHE SCREAMED (I plugged my ears it was sooo loud.) then pulled him toward her in a blur, Before I knew it she was trying to make out with a very confused and violated Edward. Renesmee looked around her with a WHAT-THE-FUCK-JUST-HAPPENED? Look. I watched Bella stomp over to the scene and pull the girl away, then grabbing her and shaking her like a doll.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING OUT WITH MY HUSBAND!" She screeched at her. The girl then turned to Harry.

"YOU SAID HE WAS DEAD!" she yelled at him.

"OHMIGOD WOMEN! For god sakes YES he is! That's not Cedric get over it Cho! HE'S DEAD! In the ground! 6 feet under, As in NOT COMING BACK!" Harry yelled at her. Cho narrowed her eyes. Bella stared at me with a WHAT THE HELL? Look. Cho's eyes widened again.

"Wait a MINUTE!" She turned to Ness. "Did you say daddy?"

"YES! Why are you making out with my father? Who the hell do you think you are?!?!" Renesmee said shocked. Cho looked back and forth at Edward (who was looking blankly in front of him) and Nessie. Then she looked at Bella.

"EW! You guys had a kid when you were 2?!?!?! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!?" She Screamed. I did a face palm and Edward scoffed. Renesmee pinched the bridge of her nose, And Bella… well she looked like she was gonna tear the shit out of Cho.

"Cho… these are my parents, they're vampires so they don't age, which means. They had me a while back when my mom was 18 and… wait, how old were you again?" Renesmee said turning to Edward. Edward sighed.

"Like 110… but that not on the need to know basis." He said simply giving Ness a you-know-better look. Cho looked over at him revolted.

"YOUR NOT CEDRIC!?!" she said sadly and VERY loudly. The whole room groaned.

"No, nor do I even know who the hell that is!" Edward told her, Cho then ran crying from the room.

"Drama queen…." Harry said.

"Hey you dated her." Ginny pointed out, Harry sighed.

"WHAT THE FUCK JACOB?" Bella yelled at me. I scoffed. Ness smiled realizing something.

"Oh Jake, Meet the in-laws!" she said happily, the room went quite Bella and Edward turned slowly to look at me, first shook spread across there faces. Ness lifted up her hand showing the ring. They looked at it then at me. Finally I saw the Anger in there features.

"IT WAS HER IDEA I SWEAR!" I told them. Renesmee looked back at me.

"HEY! It was only because we had sex and I didn't want to live in sin! Plus you didn't have to agree!" She yelled at me. The whole room gasped. Draco looked very annoyed (he murmured something about sleeping with a wolf but I didn't care) and at this point Edward looked like he was going to kill someone.

"Oh yah I really had a fucking choice! You gave up your damn virginity to me! What the hell was I suppose to do? You pretty much forced me into this shit!" I yelled at her.

"What the Fuck Jacob? I thought you were ok with it!" She said. Her eyes widened.

"WELL! IT'S not like I couldn't be fucking ok with it! I mean I'd feel horrible if I didn't do anything other than commitment!" I told her. Ginny raised her hands.

"OH, MY, GOD! Only a few minutes into marriage and your already arguing! Also; LANGUAGE!!!!" she yelled at us. "YOU guys are supposed to be a happy couple! And you let stuff like this get in the way of that! Just this morning you couldn't wait to get married and now you're already regretting it?!" She said. Ness and I looked down. Then she faced the Hogwarts people. "And you know what it's not their fault! This whole week everyone here has been putting them down! No one believed this would happen! And you know what it did! Now, so help me I'll Turn all of you into ferrets if you don't give these guys some appreciation for their effort!" then she turned to Bella and Edward. "AND YOU TWO, You should be happy! Your daughter got married! Not just any guy to, probably one of the nicest guys I've ever met! And they love each other! So what if she's not a virgin! Who cares? NO ONE, We all lose it sometime! Plus I highly doubt your Catholic. I mean for god sakes I know I'm not, and I'm not the vampire here!"

"WELL, we were hoping it wouldn't be so soon." Edward muttered under his breath, Bella sighed. Then Bella and Edward exchanged glances, and looked at us apologetically.

"There, now for god sake someone pull out the whisky and let's celebrate." Ginny yelled, And everyone agreed for in the end she was right, (THANKFULLY!) I got to keep my Man-ness and Bella/Edward approved of our getting married (LIKE THEY HAD A CHOICE!) And that night another wedding took place (this was Harry and Ginny's) and it was the most Hogwartsiest wedding everyone had ever witnessed. But like all parties this one ended in a bang.

Chapter 30: _Goodbye and GOOD riddens! _

"Thank you again so much." Ness said to Ginny.

"It's no problem. It's only fair that you guys get to go home to." Ginny said with a smile. We all smiled back at her, but before they could say a thing, we quickly scrambled on to the boat. "Now just go straight toward the main land. And whatever you do! Don't turn the lantern on!" she told us again. We nodded at her and pushed of the boat saying soft goodbyes and waving. Then I turned to face the in-laws. Ness sat at my side while Bella and Edward occupied the front of the boat. We occupied the back of course. Ness and I stared at them and they stared back, the whole boat ride was silent and awkward as hell. When we finally made it to inland, we rushed to the train station and got on the first train home. We shared a cabin, again it was awkward and quiet till Ness broke the silence.

"SO… Interesting place huh?" she asked.

"I don't think that describes it. How the hell did you wind up here!?!" Bella asked franticly.

"Uh… I don't know I was wondering around in the woods when I found myself here. Some hunters found me and brought me back to the castle… and after that things get a little blurry." She said quickly.

"You shouldn't trust people from weird cult's sweet heart." Edward scolded with a sympathetic tone.

"Daddy there not a Cult there just weird people… who think there wizards. Isn't that right Jake?" She said turning to me.

"I don't know Ness; I agree with Edward, they are kind of shaky. If you know what I mean…" I said simply. Renesmee frowned. I knew if I had agreed with her I would be seeing Hogwarts again someday and that was a risk I could not take.

"Well you guys just don't know them well enough…" She said crossing her arms. Bella rolled her eyes and snorted.

"She gets in as much trouble as me only worse…" Bella said plainly. From that point on it was quiet for most of the trip. I still hesitated at the going through the wall thing, but it wasn't too bad. Once we were in the real world I swore I would never leave it AGAIN! And we continued to the airport. I was surprised no one stared when we walked In as mangled as we were. Nessie wore her dress still, the bottom was dirty from the walk though and her veil was shreds on her head. I sort of wore my tux and Bella and Edward were torn up from the long hike/swim to the castle and train. No one really cared, we got are ticket for the next plane back home. Edward handled it this time; he didn't mess with the cashier like had before. Then we went and took are seats. I of course got stuck sitting by another bad smelling cat lady. Renesmee kept on flashing me looks of sympathy for the smell. Her pretty little face was smudged with smudged make up I hadn't realized how much they had put on the poor girl, but even though on a normal girl she would have looked horrible she pulled it off. When we finally got on the plane I sunk into my seat ready for a long snooze. I had gotten the window seat and Renesmee sat in the seat next to me, Bella and Edward talked behind us. After a half an hour or so in to the flight, I was inches from sleep when I felt Renesmee lay her head on my shoulder, before I knew it we were asleep.

"Come on you to the flights almost over." Bella said behind me, kicking my seat when I didn't stir. I bolted up right and Renesmee sat up in her seat again. She did a little yawn and rubbed her eyes. I turned back to Bella she and Edward glared at me. I noticed they were holding hands. I laughed at this new sign of affection between them, and turned back in my seat.

"What's going on?" Ness said with a little yawn.

"Were almost home!" I said with complete enthusiasm.

"Oh…" she said plainly. "Cool." She added just as plain. I sighed.

"What's wrong?" I asked her. She looked at me.

"What are we going to tell Alice?" she said. I looked at her in utter horror. Edward laughed.

"I almost forgot about her. You two are done for." Edward said. Bella Mhm'd in agreement. Ness and I shared horrified looks. Alice would kill us when she found out we had gotten married without her planning help! I guess I wasn't in the clear for keeping my manhood.

"Oh god, you're still thinking about that Jacob?" Edward asked me.

"Yes! What would you do if yours was at stake?!" I countered

"That's impossible I never do anything that could make them want to do that to me…" he said simply. I then showed him my own version of how things would go over if something like that were to take place. He stiffened in terror,

"That's what I thought!" I said simply he growled at me. Ness looked at me confused and so did Bella.

"NOTHING!" Edward and I said in unison. I didn't want Bella to remember and I don't think Edward wanted her to either. Ness raised her eyebrow at me then turned back to face the little screen in front of her on the back of the chair. On it read "please put safety belts on" so we did what the screen said even though Bella and Edward really didn't need to for in the end they would survive anything. (Luck-ies) I wondered if Edward could grow it back if they did rip it off…

"No Jacob. Don't even think about it." He said simply. I smiled and started thinking of other things. Particularly the night before the wedding…. He gagged right at the begging.

"JACOB! I GET IT! Please! I don't want to see you ruin my daughter!" He pleaded.

"Are you sure? It was pretty good…" I said slyly. Ness stiffened.

"Damnit dog! Can't you keep your thoughts to yourself?!? If you want to do this shit do it when I'm not around!" He said angry, then he kicked my chair in a effort to stop my thinking. I chuckled continuing, and then I felt a tap on my shoulder I looked over to Ness.

"STOP BEING SUCH A PERVERT!" she said slapping me square across the face. Now Edward laughed.

We exited soon after the flight landed. If it weren't for the hurting red mark across my face I would have been happy. We rushed through the airport grabbing some Coffee for me and Ness quickly. (Hey we hadn't eaten a damn thing since yesterday afternoon!) . Nessie used the bathroom real quick and then we FINALLY left, Getting in the car that Bella and Edward had driven here. A couple of minutes after leaving the airport, we started talking again.

"So how did you know we were there?" I asked Bella and Edward, They were sitting in the two front seats of Bella's After Car. They turned and looked at us confused.

"We'll the letter, or invitation. It was hard not to miss it when a Bird brought it to us in its beak. We didn't know what to think at first." Bella told us. Ness and I raised an eyebrow.

"What letter?" Nessie asked I nodded in agreement to her question. They looked back at us confused.

"The one you must have sent us with the directions to get there...You know…?" Edward said/asked. Nessie and I shook our heads in unison. Bella pursed her lips and Edward looked at Bella confused.

"Well… I guess we'll never know who sent that…" Bella said simply, and turned back in her seat. I shrugged to Nessie and she sighed. Edward turned back to the road though he could have stared at us all day and not hit a car. It was a long trip back, but it went fast. When we reached forks we stopped at the gas station, Bella and Ness went in and bought some stuff. Renesmee had done a quick change in the car, putting on some clothes we had found in the trunk. Edward and I had, had an interesting talk in the car, while they bought the food. In the end I guess I was prohibited to think of or talk about any sexual things I did with Renesmee within a miles radius of him, and **he** was not to tell me about anything sexual he did with Bella, nor gloat or gossip about it to any other Cullens when I was around. Same went for Emmet. (Edward told me he would handle the Emmet part.) When the girls came back, Renesmee and I nibbled on some food they had bought. When we were almost to the house Nessie opened her big mouth.

"Jacob, I was thinking…" She started.

"Yah Ness… What is it?" I prompted, totally annoyed.

"Well, you have to work with me here ok?"

"Alright, I'm all ears. What do you think?" I asked. We were on the drive to the house now.

"Well… I was thinking since were like married now..."

"Yah…?"

"I was thinking that maybe… well… I guess… I should move in with you then…?" she asked me sheepishly

"Uh… sure?" I said not, sure what to say! Just then the car Roared to a stop flinging me out of my seat into the back of Bella's.

"Jacob, Outside, Now." Edward said unbuckling his seat belt, stepping out of the car and closing his door, I watched him walk into the woods then got out of the car myself, strolling over to where Edward had disappeared. But before I reached the woods I was suddenly pounced by an angry, vampire, father…

Chapter 31: _Two weeks down the yellow brick road…._

THINGS couldn't be better, Renesmee had moved in with me. After a few punches Ness and Bella had pulled Edward off of me. THEN after a few harsh words Renesmee had made him feel bad for what he had done to me, at this point she had him under her thumb. We were going to have another more formal (Whatever) wedding for me and Renesmee (Ness and I couldn't stand the wrath of Alice. We gave in only a few seconds into explaining to her we had already gotten married). The date was only a few days away but Alice already had the whole thing planned. Including a new dress for Renesmee (though she and I were more fond of the other one. Or at least I was, Renesmee just liked wearing expensive things.) Emily was teaching Ness how to cook now, (Since none of the Cullens knew a thing about cooking, it was only normal since they weren't FOND of human food, so neither did Nessie) and if I do say so myself, She can make a beastly cupcake! None of us had seen Leah in a while, only assuming that she was upset and crying or something somewhere… I didn't really care at the moment, the only women in my life now was Nessie. (Yes women. Nessie went through a little growth spurt in the last weeks so be surprised. I WAS!) We were at the Cullens today Nessie had wanted to say a few things to them. And apparently she had a surprise…

"Jacob." I looked over to see Emmet perched in the doorway.

"Yah…?" I asked him. I was currently sitting on one of the chairs in the dining room thinking.

"Renesmee wants you outside." He said walking away. I sighed.

"I'm coming." I said sourly. I hated hanging out with the bad smelling vampires. They didn't like me either. I strolled outside they were in the back garden, She had gathered then all up. Alice and Jasper were sitting on the ground while Bella and Edward sat on the bench. Rosalie and Emmet stood near the door and Carlisle and Esme near the flower patch. I looked around at them they looked at me in confusion, we all shared looks of confusion. Then I turned to a BIG smiling Ness, and without thinking I walked over to her side.

"What's going on…?" I asked her confused.

"The surprise…. I have to tell you guys." She smiled at me. I wrapped my arm around waist then looked at her confused. She turned back to our little group.

"Guys I have news…" she started, a HUGE smile planted across her face.

"Oh!" Alice said raising her arm. I saw the smile shrink a bit.

"Yes Alice?"

"Are you telling us who the bride's maids will be!?"

"Uh no… but I have better news!" Renesmee smile grew a bit, she clamped her hands around mine, and then opened her mouth to begin, but Rosalie raised her hand. "Yes…" Renesmee said impatiently.

"You're dumping the dog?!" Rosalie asked excitedly. I saw Edward straightened in my peripherals.

"NO. Sorry rose." Nessie said. I saw Edward sink in his seat. (hehe) "This is way better!"

"Ok! Will you tell us already you're freaking me out!" I said jokingly. She rolled her eyes at me and continued.

"I'm… Pregnant." She said clapping her hands together in excitement, (letting mine fall loosely to my side) a wide smile crossing her face. My hand fell from her waist. All the vampires' mouths opened in a gasp. She looked around. "What?" she asked…. Emmet fell on the ground laughing hysterically. Esme but her hand over her mouth. Bella comforted a sobbing Edward. Jasper simply walked away. And Alice stood up in anger.

"PREGNANT! NOW YOU'LL NEVER FIT IN YOUR WEDDING DRESS NOW!! DAMNIT RENESMEE!" Alice yelled at her. Nessie looked over at me for help but I was dumbstruck. Rosalie smiled evilly. (She was not going to take this kid!!!!) And Carlisle slapped his forehead. Then took a deep breathe.

"OH that's… Great." (he spat out the last word) "I guess I'll get things… ready for the baby…" he said trying to control his voice. He turned putting his arms behind his head and walking inside I heard him begin to sob. Now Emmet was rolling on the ground. Esme still stood there with her hand over her mouth. And Alice was pacing back and forth cursing. I could hear Jasper laughing his ass of in the woods. Bella had joined Edward in sobbing. And Rosalie was simply planning. I heard Esme pull out a cell phone and start talking to a person about cribs. Just then I heard something in the woods. Everyone stopped what they were doing. (Thankfully) and turned to the sound. Carlisle came back to the clearing along with Jasper. We all stood there facing the direction of the noise, we were quite and I could feel the tension spread across the clearing. I knew who it was before they reached the clearing…

"JAKE! There you are! I've been looking for you forever!" Leah said smiley.

"Leah, what the… why? How… HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS HERE!?" I asked her some sense coming back to me.

"I have great news guess what!?!?" She said jumping excitedly.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered still confused at how she knew I was here… Seth… I knew I couldn't trust that rat!

"I'm pregnant!" She said giddy. "Isn't that great!?" all the vampires Jaws dropped. I stared at her stunned; she looked around realizing we weren't alone… Her gaze fell on Renesmee who stood close behind me.

"Ohhh….." Leah said shrinking into the forest. She gave me an apologetic look, OH LIKE THAT WAS GONNA HELP ME!! I then felt a tap on my shoulder.

"JACOB!" Renesmee screeched at me.

_***SLAP***_

I heard Emmet cracked up with laughter. In my peripherals I saw Edward stand up tensely, I knew I wasn't coming out of this without a FEW scratches... And another broken leg…

**THE END**

**AN: THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR READING!!! We love it when you read our stories!!! Please review. WE LOVE YOUR REVIEWS! Tell us if you want a sequel, SEND US REVIEWS! If we get enough we'll start RIGHT AWAY! Tell us what you think should happen next. WE LOVE YOUR IDEAS!!! xD! And again, Please review.**


End file.
